Avatar Posted by Destarknight 84 days ago (Question)
I posted that I couldn't love anyone and I think I know why. I think its because no one can love me back. No matter what I do, every girl I've ever tried to be with can't see past us being friend. They either see as a friend and don't want to ruin our friendship or see me as a brother and that would be wrong. Even trying to date people I hardly know doesn't work because once they get to know me, they think the same way and tell me that they just wnat to be friends. Everyone tells me that there is someone out there and that I'm only 22 and that I will find someone. I'm not gaurenteed a tomorrow. I'm not gaurenteed to finish today. But what I don't understand is how everyone can tell me that when if I can't even get a date now, how can I expect to find someone who won't just see me as a friend or a brother? How can I know that there is someone out there when people die alone all the time?


Answers


bella
84 days ago
Hi Destarknight - its good you've identified this may be the problem. Maybe you can ask a friend or family member who's nice but honest, to give you an opinion - like is it something in your appearance or approach that prevents you from having a chemistry. If you have any 'life coaches' in your area, you could book a few sessions with them - they would look at the way you generally come across. Even though looks shouldn't matter, its good to put your best self out there.

One good thing is, you're still young and have time on your side. What kind of social stuff do you do? Some cities have speed dating events and I think these are good - you go to the assigned meeting place and spend 10 min and then the bell rings ...you move onto the next one etc. Afterwards the people record who they would like to see again. How would you describe your overall look?
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Destarknight
84 days ago
I dress in mostly dark clothes. I don't get out much cause I work 50+ hours a week. I have asked my friends for their opinion and most of them say that girls say they want the nice guy, but always end up with the guy that makes them do the chasing, the guy who treats them like they don't matter much if at all. I've noticed these things too, but my personality doesn't make it possible for me to act that way. There is no speed dating here, but I have tried online dating sites. I made one friend in the year I've been on there. The only other person who showed interest was older than my mother.
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bella
84 days ago
Yes I agree some women do go for that type and its only after being repeatedly hurt, they start to look for the nicer guy. Do you belong to a religious organization, a gym, or any volunteer organization where you'll meet like minded women. Maybe try a reputable online match site and be honest since many people aren't.
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Destarknight
84 days ago
No like minded people for me would be found in a comic shop or a book store, the nearest book store is over an hour drive from my house. And dating sites aren't working. Everyone just seems to look the other way when it comes to my profile. Nothing I do seems to work.
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bella
83 days ago
Sounds like you need to move to a better city lol. What kind of hobbies do you have? I still think the idea I brought up before is good - find a person whose opinion you trust and ask him/her for some honest advice - about your outer appearance, such as hair, clothes and your personal approach ...such as body language, way of speaking, habits etc. Without seeing you, its hard for me to know what's blocking you from finding someone to share life with.

Maybe your town isn't conducive to meeting women your age? ...idk. You can also join our forum section - there are many very nice members there and they have a mens section...where only men are allowed to answer. I'm still fine with speaking to you here too though? Try to get out and socialize...even to volunteer. Good luck.
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Destarknight
83 days ago
Yea but moving out of the city doesn't work well when my whole family here needs me to stay afloat. Me and my friends go out but there isn't much to do around here. As far as looks go, I'd rate myself at average looking. I have a bad habit of noticing little details that tell me information on people. Alot of people find that creepy, but I can't help it.
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