I know I've posted a lot in the past that's personal, but I have something even more personal to ask today. It's so embarassing and confidential I even thought about changing my username, so please try and not just :)
First, for those that don't know me I have OCD and GAD I'm also 15 years old. This particular problem started about 8 years ago when my sister was born. It wasn't automatic but I definitly started developing aclove for childish things around this time. At first the big thing for me was diapers, I would steal them from my sisters room and diaper myself and wet them. The feeling was stimulating and I would constantly perform a task I would learn when I was older was called masturbation. I would do this constantly until she was potty trained at 3. At this time her remaining diapers went to the basement, giving me a perfect chance to take them. I've been incredibly lucky and have never, ever been caught. When I turned thirteen I was trapped in a big discision baby or "big girl". At the time I head on said I was now a teenager and shouldn't be trapped in my past. About half way
through the year i gave in and used one of my saved diapers, by this time I was getting bigger and wasn't exactly fitting into
the baby diapers anymore, but I would do anything to make them fit, my usual was using tape. When I turned fourteen I promised myself it was done with this. But again I caved. I was doing amazing until my boyfriend and I celebrated around our two month anneversary (this saterday will be three months) I remember I said "I wuv you" trying to be cute while we were on the phone he laughed and I remember him saying "I wuv you? Seriously?" I was super embarassed at first but then I said "you know....baby talk is a real turn on," and he and I eventually would incorporate baby talk into our "phone sex" (I hate that terminology) he would always say "I wuv you baby," he was the first person I ever told. One night, we were talking about fantasies and turn ons and when it came my turn I just simply said I wanted to be "babied" he asked me what that intailed and I remember saying "well...feeding me, holding me, taking care of me, treating me like a baby" I don't know how but he knew there was more. He asked me in a very calm voice "do you wanted to be "changed" " quickly and incredibly in an very embarassed tone I asked what he meant. In the tone you ask a small child something they don't want to answer " you know, and I want you to tell me EVERYTHING being a baby includes after twenty minutes of sheer humilaty I was finally able to say I wanted to wear diapers....and I wanted him to change me. We never actually got to change me but after a few weeks he told me he actually Thought the concept of using a diaper and him changing me was a little gross, but yet he was kind about it. But....I don't know what do.... Give up something I love or move on for sake of societys agreement and for sake of my growing up....I feel so alone in this subject
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