Hi all,
I know I've posted a lot in the past that's personal, but I have something even more personal to ask today. It's so embarassing and confidential I even thought about changing my username, so please try and not just :)

First, for those that don't know me I have OCD and GAD I'm also 15 years old. This particular problem started about 8 years ago when my sister was born. It wasn't automatic but I definitly started developing aclove for childish things around this time. At first the big thing for me was diapers, I would steal them from my sisters room and diaper myself and wet them. The feeling was stimulating and I would constantly perform a task I would learn when I was older was called masturbation. I would do this constantly until she was potty trained at 3. At this time her remaining diapers went to the basement, giving me a perfect chance to take them. I've been incredibly lucky and have never, ever been caught. When I turned thirteen I was trapped in a big discision baby or "big girl". At the time I head on said I was now a teenager and shouldn't be trapped in my past. About half way
through the year i gave in and used one of my saved diapers, by this time I was getting bigger and wasn't exactly fitting into
the baby diapers anymore, but I would do anything to make them fit, my usual was using tape. When I turned fourteen I promised myself it was done with this. But again I caved. I was doing amazing until my boyfriend and I celebrated around our two month anneversary (this saterday will be three months) I remember I said "I wuv you" trying to be cute while we were on the phone he laughed and I remember him saying "I wuv you? Seriously?" I was super embarassed at first but then I said "you know....baby talk is a real turn on," and he and I eventually would incorporate baby talk into our "phone sex" (I hate that terminology) he would always say "I wuv you baby," he was the first person I ever told. One night, we were talking about fantasies and turn ons and when it came my turn I just simply said I wanted to be "babied" he asked me what that intailed and I remember saying "well...feeding me, holding me, taking care of me, treating me like a baby" I don't know how but he knew there was more. He asked me in a very calm voice "do you wanted to be "changed" " quickly and incredibly in an very embarassed tone I asked what he meant. In the tone you ask a small child something they don't want to answer " you know, and I want you to tell me EVERYTHING being a baby includes after twenty minutes of sheer humilaty I was finally able to say I wanted to wear diapers....and I wanted him to change me. We never actually got to change me but after a few weeks he told me he actually Thought the concept of using a diaper and him changing me was a little gross, but yet he was kind about it. But....I don't know what do.... Give up something I love or move on for sake of societys agreement and for sake of my growing up....I feel so alone in this subject



Answers


bella
1296 days ago
Hi BPG - you're brave for talking about this here and since you're internet savvy you might already be familiar with the term for this. It's called 'infantilism' - people who get erotic pleasure from wearing diapers and acting like a baby. There are people who share this interest and for some it can be a real problem, because it's unusual - plus it's challenging to find a partner who shares the same interest. This usually means the person ends up hiding this fetish, which causes shame and worry about being discovered.

Whether it's a problem in the person's life, depends on how much this is interfering with happiness and leading a normal life. Some people accept this choice and others are troubled by their desires. The question is - do you want to get rid of this desire or so you want to keep it? Here's a link to the subject:

http://understanding.infantilism.org/



bipolargirl
1296 days ago
Thank you Bella :) and here's the part I hate the most.....I want to keep the desire. I went to the link and I still am having trouble figuring out, why? Why did this happen to me....why is brain so keen on being a baby. And how can I incorporate my desires with a boyfriend who is less than thrilled about them?



bella
1296 days ago
I'll be honest and say I think you'll have a hard time in life finding a partner who likes this kind of thing. Most guys prefer seeing and thinking of their partner in the typical kind of dressing. I'm sure there's some guy out there in the world who finds this attractive but they're few and far between.

If a guy has a certain image he finds attractive, it's not like you can change or make him go in a different direction. I'm sorry to sound prude like, but I also think you're a bit young to be going in a sexual direction being only 15. Yes I know some kids are 11 and having sex. If you have a therapist, I think you should talk about this with him/her. Where this came from I'm, not sure - from what I've read there isn't a definitive answer, only speculation.

*I also suggest being very careful about sharing this with your BF or guys at your age. Break ups happen so easily at your age and often the relationship takes a negative turn, where they gossip about their ex. You don't want this being used against you, because the meanies will have a field day with this subject.



bipolargirl
1295 days ago
I understand when talk about retailation and ex's but here's one thing about my BF that's different: he's also my best friend and he's wise beyond his years-plus I've nevr heard him say something mean about anyone-ever. I trust him with my heart :) but I understand your concern too. And also I don't know why I have the instinct to have this sexual desire....would it be better for me to get rid of it?



bella
1295 days ago
I'm not going to judge you on this BPG - since it doesn't involve hurting anyone, then who am I to say get rid of it - plus some fetishes aren't easy to quell. Trying too hard to control the fetish, can actually make it worse. I think what makes a fetish stronger is the 'shame and fear' behind them - also the feeling like "I'm not normal therefore I have to stop it". Then when a person tries to stop urges like this, it just makes the desire stronger.

For now I suggest not worrying about it. Perhaps you'll lose interest one day, who knows. Before internet and decades ago, many who have these kind of fetishes would feel isolated and strange because they didn't know there are others who do this too. You're lucky you live in the age, where we know more about this kind of topic - that way you won't feel bad and this will probably calm down the desires.



coalboilerman
1177 days ago
Bipolargirl, You rock. Stay with it. I personally think a girl in a diaper is super sexy. You will find it difficult to find a man who accepts that, But there are many of us out there. I grew up the same. AS a little boy, I used to steal my brother and sisters diapers, wet in them, and get all excited. Like you I have no idea why, but I still love to wear diapers and we them. Meeting a girl who likes the same is awesome. I don't personally get into the baby life style, but there are many who do. Lots of web sites to visit to keep your self happy. I wish you much luck, and stay with what you love.

Bryan



diapertobi
1024 days ago
Don't know if it helps (cause it's late), but... I'm a diaper boy, I like diapers also and if I where you I would folllow my heart ^^ You know, the diapers are going to stay in your life, or you get rid of them but will feel your whole life some kind of place in you that's been ripped apart. So if your boyfriend don't like diapers it's propably going to be a harsh relationship x still I wish you the best of luck ^^ and if you ever want to chat: diapwatobi@hotmail.be x



justtosaywhatsinmyhead
774 days ago
Again like the other guys said i'm a diaper boy i like to wet myself am fifteen and there is nothing wrong with you at all i swear it again i do not know why but if you would like to talk look me up on facebook with my email brown.noah10@yahoo.com



justtosaywhatsinmyhead
774 days ago
those were my first words that ive spoke of it