I've been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now. The first year wasn't that serious, and problems never occured. We would get into little fights, but nothing too serious. After the first year, things started to get pretty serious. we would spend every day together, and wouldn't be apart from eachother. It wasn't suffocating, we both loved it since we're best friends.

I have a problem, and I don't understand it. When we get into fights, I end up screaming at her. I'm usually not an angry person, it takes A LOT of stress or anger for me to blow my top.

The latest argument is because I saw a guy texting her. This guy clearly likes her and wants to date her, but I know she doesn't want anything to do with him, but she has a great heart and doesn't want to tell him to pound salt. I questioned her about it, just to ask why he was texting her again, and she got very defensive.

I know for sure she would never cheat on me, emotionally or physically, but I was just curious why. I asked her very calmly, but she started to say that I don't trust her, and I began to loose my patience. After about 20 minutes of small fighting, I began to scream at her. I don't know why I do this. I think it's because I'm afraid of loosing the one person I love the most in this world.

How should I handle myself when i get angry? It seems I get angry too easily, and after I scream at her I feel horrible, and like a monster.


Answers


justjoanie
1513 days ago
It's really hard when you get so angry and not even you knows why.

My son went through this. He was really angry and would scream at his sisters and me. He was also known to punch walls and doors.

Here are a few things his doc taught him to do.

1 - Deep Breaths. I know it sounds stupid, but count to 5 while you inhale, and count again when you exhale. Try to keep your mind focused on the sound of your breath and the numbers running through your head.

2 - Make sure you tell your girlfriend that you are going to try a few new things to keep the screaming under control. Tell her what you are doing. When you start using these ideas, she will know you are trying to help the situation.

3 - Put a loose rubber band around your wrist. When you feel like yelling, pull it a little and let go. Let it pop you. Not hard, just enough to feel it. This will cause a trigger for you to calm down.

4 - Try to relax. Sit with your hands in your lap relaxed, and think about relaxing every muscle until you are calm. This is really good in combination with the deep breathing.

I can't really remember all the techniques that my son was taught, but these are a few things to get you started.

Don't know if this answered your question, but thought I would give it a try.



bella
1513 days ago
Good suggestions from justjoanie. Have you ever had this screaming problem before -like when you were growing up and living at home? I'm concerned that your screaming could escalate to physical violence, so it's important to get this under control.

I think one of the best tools for any relationship, is learning how to fight fairly. No matter what there are going to be problems and disagreements - knowing how to problem solve is a great asset to have. You know she doesn't really need protecting. Be careful you're not confusing protective with possessive ;)

Here's a link explaining how to fight fairly:

http://marriage.about.com/cs/conflictandanger/ht/fightfair.htm