HI, I am a 30 year old woman who has had anxiety since I was 24. Back then, it was bad, and I would over think EVERYthing in my life.. carrying 'am I good enough /doing enough?" at work with me, and just overthinking my capabilities. What is strange, is that I am a person who is EXTREMELY responsible, and a MAJOR people pleaser. My mother is manic, and I have just started realizing a lot of my anxiety has stemmed from me thinking I'm just not good enough.. minimizing my Worth. She would verbally abuse me most days , and criticize EVERY single thing I ever did, felt, or said.
I actually went on a site last year asking people for help about what to do about my mom. I got a lot of feedback, and also met someone online who was /is AMAZING. We began chatting back and forth everyday, and he is quick, witty, funny, and VERY warm/kind. I have NEVER dated :(I think it is because I have always thought men would 'judge' me, and that I just couldn't measure up, to what they were used to, or know. I have been talking to this man online for 8 months now, and he has asked me a couple times if we could meet. I LIKE him VERY much.. we text too. I WANT to meet him, but I am incredibly nervous. For one, I have never kissed/dated.. :( I worry if I'll get nervous/spacey in front of him.. I have told him I will meet him, b/c we both enjoy each other so much. But I keep holding back, and I'm getting down/sad about this. I guess when I'm around my guy friends I'm fine. (because it is not a feeling of intimacy.. etc.) I don't want this fear anymore. I want to feel like I AM good enough , even if I've never dated. I get nervous OVER thinking the kissing , intimacy.. even though I think I will do fine, but I get anxious about it, and I don't know whether to just consider him in my mind only... a 'friend' for now? so I can not be too nervous?
What I overthink is also, "Will he call too much? Will he want to do TONS of things?" I get anxiety as a passenger in people's cars (I drive and am fine in that aspect).. so I end up thinking he wont like me for that too:( That a man will see I don't do a lot of traveling etc, and then reject me. I guess I could drive if I do date someone, but even with ppl in front seat, if its others besides my sis or friend, I get nervous. BUT I don't worry about that that much. I just want to feel GOOD about myself, because I am VERY loving, patient, kind.. and he keeps telling me that. That I make his day everyday, and lift him up when he is very down. So, MY QUESTION IS: A. has anyone ever experienced this.. a reluctance/fear of men.. or dating? B. what things can I do for myself to get to meet him.. to feel GOOD about Me.. to not be nervous??? I will also consider counseling, but that will take more time too lol.. when he really does want to meet , even for a bit, soon. I dream of having someone love me, and me love them.. but have been so nervous to ever do it. :( ANY tips or methods are GREATLY appreciated.. THank YOU soo much.
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