Hello, my boyfriend and I have been a monogamous couple for the past 6 months. Before then we were 'friends with benefits' because we didn't want anything serious with anyone. Well, push came to shove and he and i clicked really well so we were exclusively seeing each other, although he never stated we were a couple. My bf is 25 (I'm 23)and I've known him for about 4 years prior to getting intimate..he was always real mean to the girls he was with but never with me. Basically, he was a misogynist toward them and didn't care. All that was different when he and i would hang out. I noticed how he showed me respect, even as a friend. It was like I was one of the guys and he was comfortable with that. Anyways...one month into he and i being monogamous, i turn the laptop on to check my facebook and noticed he didn't sign out..so out of curiosity i checked his sent messages. To my surprise, a conversation he held with a young girl barely out of high school! It was nothing sexual but it was much of him telling her how pretty he thinks she is. I immediately confronted him about it, thinking..this relationship would have never worked..he's too set in his ways. My boyfriend didn't deny the message all he could say was how stupid he was for impulsively messaging a 16 year old because her picture was sexy. He hasn't messaged anyone else, that I know of..but to now put someone through the constant worry of "what if"..it's driving me crazy! I'm his first real love and actual relationship and I'm not making it easy for him since I found that. Basically, my boyfriend used to be a big time slut and all that remains in my memory is his nasty past and how i was a witness of how terrible he could treat someone. Does this mean he has potential to treat me the same? It sure does BUT I don't see how he would, I am the antithesis of them.

So my question here is: Is he worth being with despite my heartache? (that innocent flirting via a message felt just as serious as catching him making out with someone at a bar)


Answers


Edahn
2018 days ago
Is he trustworthy? Hard to say for sure. Messages a teenage girl certainly isn't the coolest thing and might even qualify as a little creepy. Does it mean he would actually go cheat on you? I have no clue. Does his history bode well for your relationship? Not really, but maybe he really does respect you.

I think the other question is, however, are YOU trustworthy? :/ Going into his Facebook account and checking his messages seems to violate some boundaries of trust, even if you did end up finding something.

Neither of these are really good signs, in my opinion. Hopefully you guys can make some resolution or agreement and try and put this in the past and see how you both relate to each other.



dawnbreaking
2017 days ago
Trust is the basic building block of any relationship. Without it your fighting a losing battle. This young man has obviously proved that he cares deeply for you and its just as obvious that you care alot about him. Life is to precious to waste over all the 'what ifs' My advice is to move on together. He has already agreed that the act was not very smart. Love one another and live!!!!!!

God bless you both !!!!



maguilar
2017 days ago
I would try to ignore his past. Maybe he cares about you more than he ever cared about those other girls. Although it does seem a little odd that he would think a 16 year old girl is sexy, I don't think its the same as catching him making out with a girl in a bar. He is just talking to her. I don't think its right that he is talking to her like that though, because it could lead to them hooking up. I would ask him not to talk to her anymore because if he is with you what is the point of flirting with other girls?



Clyde
2008 days ago
It probably was not the best thing to do, if legal at all, but the main one who would know if it is okay and he is trustworthy is the two of you.

What do you feel deep down in your bones?

Best,

Clyde



ConfusedPsychPatient
1946 days ago
Deep down in my bones...well, I'm unmedicated and bi-polar(so they tell me) (no mania just depressive) - and to be honest, i hate men that treat women that way, always have but i gave him a chance and other than that message he has showed he can be untrustworthy. aside from caring for him i want to see him dead. so idk, my mind changes like the weather. that alone drives me crazy. so dealing with this and then some makes me want to run away from it all.

i don't like stress and i don't like feeling this way.

i don't want to be with him but i also don't want to be alone.

i'm a mess.



ConfusedPsychPatient
1946 days ago
Deep down in my bones...well, I'm unmedicated and bi-polar(so they tell me) (no mania just depressive) - and to be honest, i hate men that treat women that way, always have but i gave him a chance and other than that message he has showed he can be untrustworthy. aside from caring for him i want to see him dead. so idk, my mind changes like the weather. that alone drives me crazy. so dealing with this and then some makes me want to run away from it all.

i don't like stress and i don't like feeling this way.

i don't want to be with him but i also don't want to be alone.

i'm a mess.