Avatar Posted by NeedHelpWithFriend 170 days ago (Question)
I've been friends with this girl for 5 yrs. The first 1 yr I had not a single complaint with the friendship. We spoke in some form (IM, Text, Phone, Email) seemingly 50 times a day, so much so that when I went away for a 4 day trip she said to me "What am I going to do when you're gone?"

Some of the people she knew her whole life were in very volatile friendships with her and I took her side always because I didn't see any of the behavior the others were mentioning.

Background on the friend. Has lived in the same city her whole life. She had a strange relationship with her now divorced parents. Father wouldn't really pay any attention to her and her mom battled demons stemming from molestation from a family member. My friend put herself through College and Grad school and is very smart. She is also very alternative in her attire, way she carries herself, and manners are very poor. She has a huge tattoo and swears constantly.

She and others have mentioned that she was very popular despite being so 'edgy' and people even had a fan club for her in grade school.

Despite living in the same city for her whole life including college she has few long term friends. Her birthday parties she throws herself each year have a rotating cast of new people, coworkers who maybe feel they have to come and a few life long people she knows but they complain about her behind her back and never hear or see her through out the year.

So how did I make it 5 yrs? It's been tough. I have had my birthday forgotten every year but the first. She ignored me on a consistent basis and we barely spoke when not actually hanging out together. We however did hang out about once a week and she was fine once we were together but nailing down plans was always a huge effort and half the time she would break plans she made.

I've stuck around because I felt she needed something consistent in her life and I felt sorry for her childhood. I kinda felt like she had no unconditional love and I was going to try and give her that. I don't think I can anymore however. It's just getting worse and worse. She has a job that has people showering her with attention and she seems to not care as much about family or good friends. She can have 20k twitter followers and when she gets a flat tire have no one but me to call and trust me she does. But when I have a problem I can't even get a response in days if at all. When I confront her on being a more reliable friend to me as I am to her she makes fun of me for having 'talks' and having too many feelings.

She has not had a successful relationship with a guy in the entire 5 yrs I've known her. Every one I know that has known her for over 5 yrs says they just feel like she doesn't really care about them and they talk about her behind her back in that same terrible way I heard when I first met her and I discounted bc my experience was so different.

We are now not talking because I got mad at her for not being responsive to a yes no question I texted her for the whole day but she was responding to twitter followers. I have now not heard from her for 3 weeks despite trying to offer olive branches and falling on the sword.

Is my friend a sociopath?



Answers


bella
170 days ago
Hi - since we're not doctors its not possible to tell if your friend is a sociopath or narcissist, but does appear she's not a very good friend. The friendship seems one sided, where you're more supportive and she's probably more charismatic ...which is why she seems to attract friends but not longterm ones. It also seems she enjoys attention but not willing to care about your feelings.

Do you want her back as a friend? It seems like the friendship is too one-sided, so I'm not sure why you want to continue the friendship. Charismatic people who have a nasty side, can suck you in emotionally. My advice is, let her go and don't rescue her when she comes calling. You deserve a friend who'll be as good a friend as you are - best of luck.
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NeedHelpWithFriend
169 days ago
Yes, I want to find a balance where I'm not constantly hurt but we can be happy to see one another. Does that make sense? I honestly really care about her but I also want this to be the last time I feel this way which is depressed that someone I care so much for doesn't even seem to care enough to talk and resolve the issue.
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Starfall
169 days ago
It might be that your friend just doesn't want or isn't ready to let someone in. I guess that she had to rely on herself for the majority of her childhood and so when you finally came in she did not know what to do with you. I guess I can relate with her because back then I'd befriend people and once we'd get closer, I'd drop them without any explanation. It's a bad habit that's very difficult to get rid off. If you can, stay by her but not in a way that you're always at her beck and call. Doing that might help her realize that you're a real friend, but at the same time, that she can't just keep using you. But if you feel really tired and exasperated and the feeling won't go away, I say let go.
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mark25624
158 days ago
It does sound like she is avoiding anything that is closeness.

BC of her passed.

It is very hard to communicate with someone who rejects closeness.

She would be more of a friend at a distance than anything else!

As far as labeling is concerned!

Would you want anyone to do the same to you?

Let a mental health provider make that conclusion!
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