Avatar Posted by Mariette 97 days ago (Question)
Hi i recently came out of a relationship of a year, my boyfriend used drugs and i tried my best to be with him and help him. He accepted it but as i found out he lied to me and kept using the drugs behind my back. I knew i couldn't handel it any longer and prayed that something would happen so we could split. My prayers were answered and now i regret it alot, he dumped me and now he has a new girl, even though we aren't even 2 weeks broken up. He told everyone that she is so beautiful and i didn't make him at all happy. Now i am so sad, I cry everyday terribly, i want to sleep whole day and I am so hungry but can't eat anymore and have anxiety attacks as well as headaches. I can eat but only a few bites and then i don't want to.Is this a normal phase which everyone goes through during a break-up? Or could this be a problem? Why did he throw me away when I stayed with him, despite his lies, stealing and drug abuse in a year? Did I do something wrong or did he just find someone much better than me?


Answers

Written by bellacutie 97 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

To answer your question, it is normal to go through a 'mourning stage' at the end of a relationship - some people handle it well and for others it's more severe. For you, I recommend that you need some help re-thinking this situation. Firstly I want to applaud you, for the way you had the strength to know when to get out - you tried to help him, but he wasn't ready to give up drugs, so you did the right thing by getting out. The problem is, you weren't sure you made the right decision but you DID, but because he sensed you were indecisive, he made it out to be, that he split with you. He split with you because he still wants to do drugs, but knows you wpn't stand for it. He's obviously mad because he didn't want to quit and he doesn't want to admit the real reason you both broke up - because of drugs. He's in denial and mean for saying you dodn't make him happy and his new girlfriend is beautiful - I'm sure she either does drugs too or he's lying to her as well.

It's not a flaw in you, that you didn't make him happy - let re-think this statement and say the truth "that it was because you wouldn't tolerate his drugs that didn't make him happy.

You are a strong woman for taking a stand against substance abuse. Many women suffer for years with men who have alcohol and drug problem, thinking they can fix their men. If I were you, I wouldn't cry one more tear for this guy, you deserve much better. The relationship he has with this girl won't last long, unless she does drugs too, so what kind of life will they have - CRAPPY!

If you stayed , you wouldn't have been able to FIX him. You would have continued to be hurt in that relationship. Don't worry about the excuse he gave to look better to his friends - he's lying, in denial and wants to hurt/make you doubt yourself.

I want you to be confident that you make a 100% right decision and you deserve a pat on the back. Ignore what he says and if it makes you feel better tell those people the truth. Don't get into a new relationship right away - heal yourself first. I would never let any man affect me to where it affects my appetite or sleep, so I want you to:

1. Give yourself credit for doing the right thing and feel confident with your decision.

2.Write down your feelings in a journal.

3. Start eating super healthy foods and treat your body with care.

4 Most important here is EXERCISE regularly and get yourself a super body - weight lifting will give you the fastest results, guaranteed.

5 Surround yourself with nice people like family and

friends. Get out and have some FUN.

6. Learn from this experience and don't get involved with guys you have bad habits and know you can never change them. You don't want to be a rescuer or nurse maid.

7 Take time to relax with maybe yoga or meditation and do deep breathing exercises.

Bottom line is you did what many women can't do and that is to know when to get out. His ego is bruised because he lost a great person - that's YOU. He doesn't deserve you and that's why you're not together. I hope after you read this, you will be done crying for him and know that you are a strong woman who will find someone much better than him. You just needed a good lesson in how to get that GO GIRL ATTITUDE! ALL the best, hugs Bella :)

Written by Edahn 97 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

^ Great post. I'm in full agreement.

Written by Mariette 96 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thanks bella your message made it clearer to me and i am so going to do my best to move on with my life and i truelly hope the next guy will be much better and i hope he will soon realise his mistake

Written by Clyde 84 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

It is most definitely normal to go through a grieving process when a relationship is over. I really hope you continue to move on with yourself and realize there are better fish in the sea.

Best,

Clyde


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