We have been together for 2 years. He lives with his mother and grandmother, They do everything for him (he is 21). He doesnt work and is only taking 6 college units. Im 18 live on my own, I go to college, play sports, etc...I take 18 units.
I dont ask much but call me before you go to bed. Come over a couple times a week. We have gatherings. HE says he coming and doesnt show up or call. He says he is coming to pick me up changes his mind at the last minutes and leaves me hanging. I have asked him to please change and he said he would. Its been 3 months and its the same thing.
Do I tell him its over? Because I am done?


Answers


theonetrueme
1991 days ago
Hello, I am sorry to hear of your problems with your boyfriend. Of any help. Honey he's been trying to get you to break it off for sometime. He's afraid to do it for whatever reason.

You are likely "one" of many he is manipulating and coercing. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Declare your boundaries, values and beliefs and stick with them.

Remember this... How long can you tolerate this (_____) before it becomes a lesson in insanity? (Insanity doing the same things over and over expecting a different result)



marieburch
1990 days ago
Everything was perfect. Then his mother needed assistance and he would stay home with her. Well its now been three months, how much more can she need from him? She is 53 years old time for her to move on and let him have a life.



misse
1991 days ago
I'm sorry to hear you're so frustrated with your bf. It sounds like you are an amazing person, clearly very organised to be able to go to college, play sports, live on your own etc. I don't think your boyfriend means to be malicious or is necessarily trying to ditch you, but he's probably a more laid back guy, maybe not so independent, and probably only makes plans at the last minute. I can understand that this spontaneous attitude makes it hard for you to know he cares, but it sounds like he isn't going to change. Have you made it clear to him just how important these things are to you? - it sounds like you have So then it is up to you, either you can accept he's just like that and appreciate his other good characteristics, or you can show him the door in favour of someone who is better able to stick to their word.



bella
1991 days ago
I'm sorry you're sruggling with your BF. I agree with misse that your Bf is more laid back and possibly LAZY in every aspect of his life. You are very goal orientated and focused which is great and he's the opposite. You need to tell him nicely what you want from him and if he doesn't co-operate then you should find someone else. Even if he does call you and not back out of commitments, he's still trailing way behind you and I don't know if you have agood future with someone who lacks motivation to plan his future. Best of luck :)



maguilar
1991 days ago
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marieburch
1990 days ago
There are no other girls involved. His mother needed assitance and he would stay home and watch her (she likes to party) and keep her from partying. Well 3 months later he still is home watching her. She is old enough to take care of herself. He needs to move on.



lilithsfury
1990 days ago
I agree with everybody else. It sounds like he has little to no ambition, and obviously enjoys having other people take care of him rather than stand on his own two feet. Sounds like maybe you need to find someone more compatible with yourself. Believe me, coming out of two major relationships that went on for years, and both guys were total losers that didn't have jobs, and sponged off me to the point I lost my house to foreclosure and car to the repo man....move on...you will thank yourself in the long run. Good Luck :)



Kajikit
1990 days ago
From what you say in your replies it sounds like it's more complicated than 'he doesn't want to' or 'he can't be bothered' or 'he's irresponsible'... he may be feeling TOO responsible rather than the reverse. A parent with problems is a big deal no matter what age you are. Do you think your bf might be feeling responsible for his mother, and guilty for wanting to spend time with you instead of her? If he comes to your parties, then he's not there. She may be guilt-tripping him, or it may be a perceived 'duty', or he may be having trouble seperating himself from her. If she really has a drinking problem, I'd suggest that he goes to Al-anon.



marieburch
1989 days ago
Well him and I met 2 years ago. We have had the perfect relationship. His mother has been an alcoholic for years and hasnt had anything to drink in 12 years. All of a sudden she is drinking and carrying on so we yes we would stay at his house to watch her until she would fall asleep. After a while of that I told him I cant sit there so you go ahead and I will just stay home. Well now its been 3 months and he still has to stay home with her. She hasnt had anything to drink in 2 weeks. Honestly I think he does have trouble separating himself from her. So I have been attending gatherings by myself. I dislike that she has done this to us and I have been there for him but how long is this going to last?



bella
1989 days ago
^^^^^

Good observation Kajikit :)



Edahn
1990 days ago
If you want to keep working on it, then talk to him and try and find out what's REALLY going on. Maybe he's just really tired. If you don't think it's worth it then move on.



marieburch
1989 days ago
I have talked to him several times. 1st he said he was depresses because he has been missing out on everything. And now he says to wait. And I told him that we should be friends and maybe we can get back together later. He said no that he wants me in his life. So here I wait and I am not sure what the problems is.



bella
1989 days ago
I think your BF may be a little depressed and stuck between a rock and a hard place. Unfortunately his mom has made him feel responsible for her. He needs to get her to take responsibility and get her support from AAA. This is also why he lacks motivation in other areas of his life as well.

I think he's struggling with his obligation to his mom and wanting to be with you. I thinks he's feeling bad about his life in general and needs understanding and guidance. He can also join Alanon for family members of alcoholics -they can teach him how to slowly loosen the strings and make his mother take the resposibility for herself. Try to be patient a little longer. You want to gently remind him that it's nice to be a loving son - but he shouldn't take on the role of psychologist/guardian/sustitute spouse for his mom. You'll know in time if things will change. If not, you may have to move on -but you can still be friends. Best of luck to both of you. :)



shangralafly
1989 days ago
You have to ask yourself, if he "forgets" or simply "doesn't want to" ??

Seems to me that after a 2 year relationship anyone who simply cannot offer you the simple acknowledgement of an occassional phone call, then warning lights should have been worn out by now.

I'm wondering why would you remain with someone who cannot acknowledge you?

Perhaps he is suffering from some major denial and requires treatment. Still, though, you need to ask self, "is he worth this?"



Clyde
1975 days ago
I agree. Talk to him and see what is indeed going on. Let him know what you have told us. But in the end, only you can answer the question you want us to answer for you, "Is he worth this?"

You will have to decide.

Best,

Clyde