I've been having an affair with a married man for 4 years. I told her all about it 2 years ago and he lied to her and told her he broke it off with me. He swears he has no sex with her what so ever, and when I told her, she confirmed that to me. But now, she thinks he broke it off and he's making plans to be with me in the not so distance future....


Answers


bradaminton
1897 days ago
Why are you messing with someones marriage? I was on the other end of a situation like this. My husband was having an affair with a woman that he worked with and walked out on me and our 10yr old son after 12yrs of marriage. It is very painful. You should tell her he is cheating and you should stop being with him yourself. If he really wanted you he wouldn't take 2yrs to leave.



misse
1897 days ago
Why would you sleep with a man who you know is married, especially when you also (apparently) know his wife? You cannot change whether he lies to his wife or not, all you can do is control your end of the affair. I don't understand your motivations for telling the wife- are you sure you are being truly honourable in that? Sounds a bit odd that you are so concerned about his wife's feelings yet you still sleep with her husband!



bella
1896 days ago
I saw your question yesterday and I couldn't answer it because I was so angry. Usually I try to be supportive to people on this site and I didn't want to say something I'd regret. I think you should realize the pain you and this man (or should I say DOG) has caused another human being.

I am one of those wives who has been hurt to the core of my soul. I can't find the words to explain how painful this has been.

But I do believe in KARMA. What makes you think that he won't do the same thing to you, when you get old to him? If karma doesn't get you, in this lifetime, then when you die, God will make you feel all the PAIN that you have caused this woman and possibly her children.

You want to know if you should tell her again that you're still hanging around? Why - so you can speed up the process of him leaving her - HOW SELFISH ! It's irrelevent whether he's having sex with her or not. Are you happy that his wife has been sex-starved for 4 yrs.? Where's your compassion? The only reason you should tell her is so she can dump him and you also should dump him.

I am seething in anger. We all know why men do this -some men's brains (not all) are in their penis and they have no heart. But why would a woman want to do this to another woman. I know I would never want to - we women should stick together and support each other. If every woman believed that, then men wouldn't have anyone but prostitutes to cheat with. It really comes down to SIMPLE MORALS - treat others as you wish to be treated!

I suggest you look in the mirror and do the right thing and find a man who's single before Karma catches up with you. I also suggest you take a good look at him, for who he really is - is he a man of integrity. Do you think you're so special that you'll be immune to his cheating ways. Once he gets rid of his wife, then you'll be in HER shoes, wondering when he's going to do it, too YOU . You will no longer be his exciting trist any longer.

If you don't want karma to catch up with you, I suggest you tell her - but apologize to her for hurting her. Invite him to a surprise lunch date with you, his wife and him - where you both give him the big BOOT to the CURB. I hope to God, you will do the right thing.



shangrala
1896 days ago
Seems to me that you both need a serious reality check. You both obviously have no sense of morals or values (IF either of you do, you certainly do NOT practice them).

And to let you know....Chances are if this man can cheat on his wife with you, then chances are he will do the same to you once he finds a new attraction for his desires.

Perhaps then, a lesson learned : What goes around, comes around.

SHAME ON THE BOTH OF YOU!!



Edahn
1895 days ago
Looks like this one was answered pretty well. :)

Please do the right thing.



emiliiii
1894 days ago
i cant believe this. you're a pathetic human being. why would you intentionaly sleep with another man who you know is married! i think you should tell her so she can dump him and so she can slap you! then you and that scum bag you've been sleeping with can be together and he can cheat on you with another hussy like you and break your heart like you and he did his wife!



Clyde
1882 days ago
I think you both should separate, and he should tell her. You cant control him, or her feelings or the way they react to you.

Like one poster said, if he wanted you so bad, why wait 2 years?

I think you all have some issues with self-esteem and love, and I do think you all need to seek counseling.

Best,

Clyde



princessheart
1863 days ago
Hello there .

Firstly i would like to say to the people that have replied so harshly to the poor women that only asked a question , Affairs happen so get over yourselves .

I have been having an affair with a married man that i met through work for four years . I have left my job now because of this . He is 14 years older that myself and has a child of 7. I totally fell head over heels in love with this man and i can tell you now that it has done me no good at all . I would just like to say to you in a non patronising way that my boyfriend separated with his wife two years ago . Then went back because of the ' child ' mmmmm .... Since then i have been severly ill . ( Im going to be absolutely BRUTELY honest with you all here to show you what affairs will do to you ) I have become absolutely OBSESSED with his wife , with hatred . I even started to let myself go just laying sobbing in bed for days on end . I also lost his baby recently with of course has not done me any good at all . Affairs do happen , People fall in love with who they shouldnt . But hun it pains me to say this because im answering a lot of my own questions with these answers - If he hasnt left after 2 years he will not leave . Gradually you will run your self down . I feel like i have been a mug an absolute idiot . Thats 4 years of my life that i will not be able to get back . 4 years of false hopes promises and lies . With regards to telling her i think that you 100 percent should . I have dreamt about telling her what her husband has been up to .... walking in to her place of work and slapping evidence of 4 years of a double life in front of her face ... But that would be for the wrong reasons . I have to get over that jealousy and move on. However if he has lied to her before . Tell her . He is making a fool out of you , Just like i have been made a fool out of .Get out while you can and get your life back xx



gillystyle
1800 days ago
I agree i have been seing amarried man for the last almost 7 years and i beleived all his promises he didnt have a marraige and was waiting until all the kids had gone to uni then he would leave. well she done her homework and found out about us i have spoke with her several times she is a nice person, and wonders why we hurt her so much! well he moved in with me for 2 months and has now gone back to try and make amends with the kids 16, 18, 21, 23 ! ont kids but they told him if he gave me up there might be a chance! i threw him out and said call me when you are free ! he said i really thought you understood and was shocked that i finished with him! i have had a reallity check and realised the devastation what has been caused i am crying now but will get over the lied and deceipt . Morlae of the stoey never get involved with a married man one the buzz of doing it has gone he will will be looking for his next target!!



valobasha
1776 days ago
listen girl...i will tell you exactly what happened to me. i was having an affair as well with a married man for 7 years. he was 20yrs older than me. and we had a wonderful time. i had serious relationships with my boyfriend as well. and neither one of us wanted to break his marriage or my relationship with my boyfriend, but we fell in love. and love happens. for some people love is very normal tradition way of falling, and for some its not. sometimes from the worst kind of a situation you get something really good out it. we fell in love. so deeply. that i stopped dating. and broke up with my boyfriend who i was obviously not in love with. and years passed. he couldn't take it any longer. he filed for divorsed as well. he told his wife that he was in love with me and he couldn't continue living with someone that he didn't love. so divorce was final. we moved in together. we got engaged. and we are about to get married and have a baby of our own. his wife is still very bitter, especially very nasty to me. she is never nasty to him. go figure.

but truth be told, even though i am very happy with him, i really wish that i didn't fall for him. because now i always worry what if Karma bites my ass and he winds up cheating on me. and its a horrible feelings.i tell him that i trust him but i really am very worried all the time. i also feel sorry for her. but at the time i was having affair with him, i hated her with all my beings. and i still hate her, especially cause i am trying my best to raise her daughter and she is poisoining her daughers mind about me. which is very wrong. i would imagine that since her daughter is in my care for 3 days she would be little decent with me for the kids sake, but she is a complete phyco bitch. just like my fiance mentioned her.