My boyfriend recently admitted to cheating on me when we first started dating. I made the decision to give him another chance because I did believe it was a mistake, he knows it and he knows he has to work VERY hard to get me to trust him again. I haven't had sex with him in a little over a month because I don't want to be that intimate yet. I can tell it's killing him and his nagging can kind of wear on me. I'm afraid I won't be able let my guard down and with him always trying to get me to have sex wears me down and it's emotionally draining. I am not good at letting go, especially with my anger. I won't have sex until I am ready and he knows that but I don't know how to get comfortable again and get him to just stop making advances because they only annoy me.


Answers


Fpsy
1969 days ago
Hey energizer bunny.

I don't think any boyfriend should be pressuring their girlfriend to have sex, no matter what the circumstances. It is a decision that is based on mutual consent, and if he really cared about you he would understand that. You don't have to give in. He seems to me to be very insensitive to your needs, especially around his cheating.

Do you really think he is good boyfriend material for you? Perhaps finding a boyfriend that cares more about you than his sexual frustration is what is really important. Perhaps deep down there are some other things about your boyfriend that are bothering you.

In the end trust is very important, it is the foundation of a relationship and he broke that trust before you even got off to a good start. Mending that, I think would be very difficult, and he is not helping that along by pressuring you. If he can't see that then perhaps he is not worth all the work that you are doing. Perhaps you could put your energy into someone else.



bella
1968 days ago
Hi,

I agree with Fpsy, but if you are determined to give it another chance, then you need to firmly explain that you do need more time to get over this. Tell him that you don't want him pressuring you anymore. If you want to stay with him, then you need to figure out what you need to heal. You both have to talk and figure out how the trust can be built back up. Eventually you have to decide if you will trust again or not. You don't want to be somewhere in the middle where you're always suspicious.

I sure there are some circumstances where cheating partners do stop, but many will cheat again. If it does happen again, then you'll know for sure he's a hopeless cheater. It's up to you if you think he's truly learned from this or not. Best of luck to you both.



Clyde
1968 days ago
I think to get him to stop pressuring you, you just ask him. Let him know why you feel the way you do, and tell him you will let him know when the time is ready.

And, you also know when it is time again to become a sexual couple.

Best,

Clyde



series0
1964 days ago
I couldnt disagree more with some of the posts.

This is tricky ground and I will try to be clear.

If he admitted to cheating, without your prompting or catching him, that is huge. It means it was hurting him that he hurt something precious. So guess what? He thinks you're precious enough to risk losing you by telling the bitter truth and clearing his conscience. That is huge.

In my opinion you have two choices. Forgive him totally and let all the pain go away. Never mention it again unless in humor. OR, Leave him.

Even if you said that you did, you have not forgiven him. If you have forgiven then you can trust, it's that simple. If you cannot trust, then some part of you has not forgiven him. And maybe it never will. What seems to be true of him based on what you say is that he has disclosed his indiscretion of his own free will. He has essentially asked for forgiveness. If he hasn't in so many words then ask him to ask and when he does make up your mind and either forgive or say goodbye. Don't waste both of your lives wondering and not trusting. Open again and trust, even if you get burned.

Also, I disagree with anyone saying he shoudn't ask for sex. Of course he should. It's everyone's right to ask for what they want. It's equally your right to say that you don't want to have sex. As many times as it comes up. But no one can gainsay his right to ask and his asking is not cruel, its actually a compliment. There is a difference between asking and demanding. If he is rude or threatening that IS inappropriate. (humor --->) But I'd never fault a guy for exepecting that a woman might change her mind (humor).

Please understand. I am not condoning his behavior of cheating but he sounds like a guy who knows damn well he made a mistake. He didn't wait to get caught and then spin it. I just bet that in this case, you are stonewalling a "good guy". Search your heart and see if you agree. Then make that choice I mentioned earlier and hold yourself responsible for your choice and your follow through.

Good luck regardless!