Hi I'm 27 years old and have had about 3 serious relationships. The problem I seem to have in my relationships is that I feel like I lose my self identity and all my focus becomes my boyfriend. All of my break ups have been really hard because I feel like I don't know what to do or who I am without them and I have to start over again. When I'm not in a relationship I feel more free and my self. I also have trust issues stemming from being cheated on by my 2nd serious boyfriend of 4 years. It has drastically affected my current relationship so much that we too are now in the middle of a break up. In this current relationship we moved way too fast practically living together after only 2 months of dating. Since he only had one friend here because he moved to my area for work we spent every day together. I began having trust issues with him after going through his phone one day and seeing some text messages. It ended up being nothing but it made me to continue to be consumably suspicious. All these events have made me lose my self in this relationship and have forgotten who I am and to not try to focus on starting my career. His parents and friends live about an hour and 15 min away and every time he goes down to see them without me I get very anxious and all I can think about is what he is doing. I will also get very mad very quickly and make accusations about what he is doing and he has gotten tired of it. I feel like he should be able to hang out with his friends without me and vice versa and we should be fine. I feel like one of those needy people when in a relationship when I'm actually a pretty care free individual when not in one. I also seem to forget my friends a lot when I'm in a relationship as well. My mother says I should focus on trying to start my career and wait until I have proof that my boyfriend has lied or cheated before doing anything but I just cant seem to let anything go. Sometimes I ask myself is my instincts telling me something about this guy or is it my own issues. He doesn't want to break up but I don't see any other solution. I cant feel like this all time it is not healthy. We cant afford counseling right now either. I sometimes also think that I get this way in a relationship because my dad did not give us much attention growing up. Any ideas on what I should do? Will being on my own for a while solve any trust issues I have or attachment issues?
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