Avatar Posted by lovek 51 days ago (Question)
ok, so here is my story.. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, I love him very much and I would be very depressed if we broke up. I am little conservative and he is very liberal. I'm 21 and he is 22 and he is my first boyfriend. anyway, going to the main point... since the beginning of our relationship I've been very open to love and he is always stuck in the same page, mostly because of his neighbour. they grew up together and are very close. She is very pretty and loud and has always worked her way around him, she sees him like a brother but at the beginning of the relationship I didn't see her much so of course i was jealous and one time got so mad that he promised to take her out of the way a bit. this was after one time he asked me for a break because he was confused about her, i saw this coming but i refused to take a break and he decided to continue with our relationship this was when we were about 6 months together. later the relationship went great until a couple of months ago, i noticed some things and also learned my way into his personal things where i found unpleasant moments for myself. i talked a little about it and he confessed he is madly in love with her and he has always been but when he tried to approach her she told him he was a brother to her and nothing could never happen. He decided to cut any contact with her in order to forget her and he told me even though he loves her he also loves me and says he knows i deserve the best in the world. but he just has feelings for this woman and they are strong feelings he is not capable of having towards me. this makes me miserable, I wish i could do something to change his feelings and make him love me more. I know it's not up to me. So he keeps a diary i haven't read and he also has written some emails to her that i did see without him knowing so. i know everytime i look for this stuff im just torturing myself but i cant help it.. its been a few weeks that i didnt find anything and i was getting so happy because he has been so wonderful to me and loving and i started to think this was going to work out after all but today i found a big email telling her that it was so hard and that he thinks of her always and that he wishes he could give me the love i deserve but he cant. how he always imagined marrying her. he has told me he doesnt want to marry anyone but now i know he would marry her. this is so depressing for me. I love him so much and im so serious about it i dont like to think that there are many man i can have. i know i could meet someone else, i know i am pretty and have a great personality, but its so hard just to let go and move on when u have this person in front of you and u can picture yourself being happy but reality may be different. im looking for professional opinion, I don't want to know if I'm young and have a life in front of me I know that. I just want to know what a professional can tell me about what can i do with my feelings and if there is something im avoiding that will hurt me horribly later on.. Im just desperate, my heart is broken, his heart is broken and I dont know where this is going.. also when i talk to him i cant be so direct because then he will know that i check his email and i think that if i dont have access to his things i dont have access to reality. he doesn;t want to hurt me, so he always tries his best to make me feel happy, i pretend to be happy even though once in a while i express my feelings but he is too good, he wont lie to me so i suffer more, he knows me well and he knows i know this relationship is far from perfect. Is it so bad to want a prince charm?


Answers

Written by Chemar 50 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I am not sure I fully understand your question as it seems he is with you and that, apart from the emails you are reading, he is not having a physical relationship with her.

However,if he would rather be with this other woman then let him go. I certainly wouldnt want to be in a relationship where I wasnt the one my partner really wanted to be with.

honestly, reading someone else's private emails is just not ok, and although it has shown you his feelings for her, it doesnt make it ok

there seem to be major trust issues in your relationship, and conflicted feelings. until the two of you can calmly and honestly work thru those, your relationship cannot grow properly

JMHO

Written by Clyde 45 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

It also worries me that you are reading in his emails and diary, but I also understand your worry about his involvement with this woman, even if she does not feel that way.

If he does want to be with her, even though she doesnt with him, I would say let him go. He cannot commit to you while thinking of her, can he?

Best,

Clyde


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