Avatar Posted by confusion101 25 days ago (Question)
My husband moved here from the UK last year, so we could wed. We still live with my grandma. He doesn't want to open a joint checking/savings account. We have no goals at all. No sex since April. Affection doesn't exist of any kind. When I try to talk about it, he becomes defensive or worse silent. My marriage is in oblivion. I don't know how to fix it?


Answers

Written by confusion101 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

350 characters wasn't enough. My husband offers no financial or emotional support whatsoever. He's only watches BBC programs, or views websites related to the UK. He doesn't try to adapt himself to America at all. He misses the UK terribly, and uses being in another country as an excuse for his inaction, that's when he's not sick (he's constantly ill) with no symptoms...until I try to talk about our future. I've suggested counciling, he's declined.

Written by confusion101 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I don't want to divorce, because to me it's another failure that I can't afford to endure. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Depression. My mother has abandoned everyone in my family. My father as well. I've not had successful relationships in my life. My family practitioner said my self-esteem didn't exist a year ago, and I hate to think what divorce will do to what little I have left of it to grasp.

Written by confusion101 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

But, though I'm married I'm so alone. I always wonder if it's me, something I can do? Maybe, I'll never be happy with anyone or anything? Maybe I'm like a bottomless pit of disatisfaction? I'm not happy alone. I'm not happy married. I sure as heck am not happy living with my grandma as a thirty-three year old. Maybe I self sabotage? I don't know? The only thing I do know is that I'm lost, and my husband doesn't seem to have the will to help with anything...maybe it's because he's lost too? I just don't know.

Written by Chemar 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

it really does sound like a very complex situation and one that would likely benefit from the two of you going to couples counseling to try to work thru the problems in neutral territory

this may not be possible, but have you thought about moving to the UK with him? That may give you a fresh start and also have him feel more comfortable in his surroundings? But obviously that would only work if you felt there was hope for the marriage and if you felt yopu wanted to move there....dont even consider it unless you feel sure of the relationship as the last thing you want is to be stranded in a foreign country alone!

I do hope your husband will agree to go to counseling with you

all the best

Written by Clyde 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I dont see why he moved if he would of not wanted to be here in the States.

It does indeed sound very complex. As Chemar mentioned, could you move to the UK with him, or is that a no?

I would not do it unless I was one hundred percent sure, either.

Set him down, with out the BBC and let him know that you really want to go to counseling together. Give him a heart to heart and see where that leads.

Best,

Clyde


Log in to answer or register here.