I am 30 years old and have been married to my husband for 2 years (together 7) and we have three young girls. My husband and I are in a sexless marriage where sex occurs about 2x a year. Naturally this has caused a myriad of emotions ranging from sadness to resentment. I have initiated sex nearly on a daily basis and am turned down every time. There are days where I cry myself to sleep and feel so depressed that I have considered suicide. It feels hurtful to know that the only person I am supposed to receive unconditional love rejects me. It makes me feel ugly and unworthy. Last month I felt like I was going to pass out and decided to visit an internist the following day. I was diagnosed with refractory anemia (MDS) which can progressively turn to AML (leukemia) in 50% of the patients with chronic anemia. I have had to undergo epogen injections three times a week and blood checks every other day. This is the time where I would've loved to have my husband's support but he isn't here for me emotionally, physically, intimately and I am in A LOT of pain. I have begun taking Wellbuterin but feel like this is a band aid to my problems. I desperately want to feel close to someone and am worried about the state of my marriage. The fact that I may end up with AML has made me focus on the dismal state of my marriage and I feel like I deserve more. Some of my thoughts have shocked me: I am considering a divorce and cheating because I don't want to regret living a happier, fulfilling life. My husband is wrapped up in attending law classes and says he is "stressed out" but I feel like it is a cop out. Are my emotions unrealistic? I often wonder if the Wellbuterin is giving me the courage to do something I should've done or maybe the diagnosis is. My question is what would you do? Remain married in a loveless marriage for the kids and forget about pleasure or divorce for selfish reasons? I am very confused..Thank you
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