We have been together for four years....Everytime my boyfriend gets mad at me he will break up with me. I'm 21 and he's 23 years old. Then when he's over it or I call him, we will be fine and just resume how we were. And when we are good we are really good. There's good stuff that I love about him, he does a lot for me and is really generous towards me and everyone. But when he getrs annoyed or mad at something, which he is very easily annoyed at things and the smallest things will get to him which i hate! I remember a year ago him telling me "you know we are never gunna break up for good" so what is that supposed to mean ? that you can just break up with me everytime your mad and it's okay? i don't think so, but I keep putting up with it...i think i do because I am afraid to lose hime because one time i broke up with him and told him to leave me alone dont ask for me back nothing,,,and he did just that. we dodn't talk for two months! nothing! and i was so hurt crying all the time. and then we got back together and i made him promise me he wouldnt do that to me again. So now i think Im afraid that is going to happen. And when he's in a good mood with me he is sooo loving and i let him know that he cant hurt me like that anymore n breaking up with me isnt the right answer to everything...and he will say sorry he just gets frustrated but he really does love me and he is going ot try and be better. He doesnt say that all the time, he only said that the last time we argued. I don't know what to do. he broke up with me last night saying I need to grow up and I am annoying him, when really HE IS ANNOYED BY EVERYTHING. Im not immature and Im not annoying,but it seems liek everything i say pisses him off! SO i started crying n just said alright instead of trying to beg him...this time I feel like I can't do it anymore even tho after a couple of days I probably will feel like I need to see him or call him...what should I do :(


Answers


bella
1803 days ago
This is a form of manipulation, avoiding problems and immaturity. When a couple has a problem, you're supposed to calmly discuss it and solve it. Instead he chooses the dramatic exit and then you have to beg him. You end up going through a 'honeymoon period' but the real issue was never solved and that's why it keeps happening again - it's a never ending circle.

I think you both need to learn how to fight fairly and he needs to stop being so dramatic by ending the relationship. Tell him nicely this is the last time he's going to break up because you won't take him back next time. If he ever does play the 'break up game' again - be firm and never let him back in!!!Remember also, if he's meean when you're argueing, this will get worse over time. Imagine marrying someone like this - everytime you fight he would leave and threaten divorce. My honest opinion is you should find someone else. I feel the way he said 'you know you can never break up for good - is a RED FLAG. I feel he could potentially be an abuser. Sorry I can't be more optimistic for you and good luck, Bella



sawsaw1234
1803 days ago
thank you, I have so much with this guy, he's my love...and even though he says " we will never break up for good" everytime we do break up i get sad...and im not that pathetic girl who lets this happen to her im stronger than that.



bella
1803 days ago
If you really feel you love him - then you can reconcile one last time, on the condition that he stops playing this game. Then you both need to learn some fair fighting and problem solving methods. Essentially he's running away from his problems, then dramatically reuniting and the real problem doesn't get solved. You end up getting repeatedly stressed out and feeling sad like you do now. If you reconcile and he does it again, then let him go for good. It will be normal to feel sad and it would take time to get over him - that would be much better than going through this roller coaster ride all your life. Best of luck what ever you choose to do.



sawsaw1234
1803 days ago
thank you for your advice, I been with him 4 years and hes the first guy I have felt this way for...very hard to go through this but not the end of the world right :) It's making me hate him which i dont want to do



bella
1803 days ago
I can understand what you mean - resentment can build up. The saying 'there's a fine line between love and hate' is so true. Good luck Sawsaw :)



Eagle
1798 days ago
My girlfriend told me "the best way to make a girl long for you and love you is to break up with her. She'll think about you all the time." I knew that you need to have SOME distance to make her long for you, but I never think that it's ok to break up then make up.

When I break up it's for good.

And whenever I broke up a relationship, she'd always get obsessed and stalk me-lol

I think what this guy is doing is taking the break up then make up game a bit too far, and is taking you for granted.

Which is bad, cuz than he'll get cocky enough to start doing other things.

Anyways, if you're as strong as you say you are, than you have to be willing to lose him as well.

In a community I'm part of, the saying goes "You have to be willing to lose her." In your case "him".

-E