Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 5 months now going on 6 and whenever he has something that is bothering him, he stops speaking to me and turns quiet. This bothers me because then I know something is on his mind. I mean he's gone three days without speaking to me and unless I keep asking him whats wrong he wont talk. Then I get all depressed and start thinking that I'm not good enough for him, because the only time he does this is when it's something about me that I did wrong or something I said. He doesn't want to talk to me about it because he says that every time he talks to me about something I just cry or we argue about it and he doesn't want to argue so he just keeps quiet. This just makes me worse the longer he goes not speaking to me. What should I do?


Answers


blondz77
2211 days ago
i know EXACTLY what you're going through. My bf will do the same thing, except he's quiet whens he's just mad period and he thinks emotions are stupid so he wont show them.. but anyhow... its going to take ALOT from you on this one, but i want you to place yourself in his shoes, and if you approach him and try talking to him and you know that he is going to cry and get upset and argue, then wouldnt you be inclined to not want to tell him because it frustrates you that he does this?? I was (and sometimes still can be) like this. I would get angry, fight, cry and hurt myself. Its because i react instantly to what he would tell me. Like my biggest issues are other women. I know i have no need to get jealous but sometimes i do, i think its a girls nature. But he would mention another girls name (and she could be like 30 years older) and i would get mad. So here's what I do now. When he says something i do 1 of 2 things. 1. while he's telling me I think to myself, its a part of life, guys and girls talk all the time and it doesnt mean anything, and i think of guys i talk to and i wouldnt do anything, so while i think of all this while he's talking to me it calms me down or 2. prepare yourself before hand, you know eventually hes going to say something that will get you upset. So (this may not be the best thing but it works for me) i start to "not care" yes i still care about him but i try to get myself in a not caring attitude, so he says to me so today some girl was telling me that she slpet with 3 guys last night (and yes this is a true thing said to him once lol) i would at first crack a joke by saying something like "oh darn she beat my record" or "i wonder if she's into girls lol" (even though im really thinking this slut wants him next) then i say (even if it didnt happen) something like "ya and that reminds me of this guy i was talking to the other night, he was talking about how his ex was a sex addict and would constantly sleep with other guys and he ended up leaving her because it really disgusted him the fact had soo many guys do her and was even nervous of an STD.. heh i would be nervous too lol" then he would go "yes that is really sick if you think about it" so even though it might not be the same situation you can twist it around to anything, 1.make a joke to relax him, then 2. its hard to really explain this one, but say a story to get him thinking... like in my example he thought hey she speaks with other guys as well and then i explained it from another guys point of view (which guys tend to look at that side more than a womens) and explained the bad sides of it in turn making him think the way i do without him realizing it... its manipulation really, but it helps.. i hope you understand what i meant and if you have questions about it just ask or if you want to describe a stituation you have then i can explain using one that you go through, if you dont want to describe it here then feel free to email me at blondz77@gmail.com



andrew
2211 days ago
Hi

I don't if this helps but let me tell you a bit about myself and why I sometimes do the same.

I'm a very insecure person and whenever someone I care about does something that I think makes it more difficult for me to spend time with them it really knocks me for six. It makes me feel rejected and unloved and I don't know what to say or do. I also have no idea how to handle conflict, which makes relationships a real challenge!

Anyway this isn't about me, it's about you and your boyfriend. Are you interested in your boyfriend's opinion on things? Does he know that? Is he interested in your opinions? Do either of you make decisions that the other may think affects your relationship without talking it through first?

Maybe make a list of the situations that have led to your boyfriend going quiet and see if it's possible he's misinterpreted it? Maybe, when the opportunity is right, explain to him that when he shuts himself away you don't know what to do and that it upsets you - let him tell you what will help.

The other thing I would stress is that it isn't necessarily your fault he's upset. If he's misunderstood something then it is him that's done the misunderstanding so please don't be too harsh on yourself for it.

Good luck,

Andrew



Clyde
2206 days ago
I agree with what Andrew says--perhaps if he knows or you knew that he valued your opinions, and vice-versa, then things might be working better.

Try and prepare before hand. Understand that every relationship (even the good ones) have times where couples don't speak and feel bad about the other one.

Best,

Clyde



cookie4566
2025 days ago
well in a relationship its always healthy to have a couple of augerments but if you guys have on everyday that is not healthy and it sounds like your bf really cares about you and don't want to upset you he is just having trouble trying to speak without upsetting you what you should do is talking with him and let him say what you should do so things to don't upset you.

best whishes

Jenna