Avatar Posted by wistaria2009 41 days ago (Question)
I have only been with my boyfriend for 6 weeks , I have been on my own with 2 young children for the last 3 years, and whilst he has had relationships, he has generally been lviing on his own for 9 years.
We seem to have somehwta of a communication problem witgh is making me feel like the relationship will never work. I am the sort of person who does not understand things unless they are absolutely black and white and certainly do not find it easy to make friends either, although i am a friendly person, I am just shy. I am also extremely open and honest. My boyfriend is not so open and even his parents have said he can be quite cutting. I am particularly worried that if my boyfriend starts to tell me about something, i then show interest and ask him questions (eg about a book I had lent him that he requested, and i asked him how he was getting on with it, i then asked him if he had brought it on the ferry to read etc as he said he hadnt had much time), anyway he got annoyed and said to "move on". He does this quite often with me qwghenever he does not want to talk about somehting i talk more in depth about than he does.................i do what i do becuase i am interested, but he appears to have no patience with me at all, which then results in me feeling like theres nothing i can talk to him about, that what i feel doesnt matter etc.
Also, when he asks me somehting that could be answered with a yes or no in his mind, it seems i nearly always qualify what i say, and that is now annoying him too. eg, he asked me when i pulled up at fwerry terminal if i was planning to see him off and wiat etc, and i told him that it didnt look like i could becuase there was no where suitable to park......he got annoyed becuase he just wanted a yes or no.
I seem to have a stong need to understand anything someone say6s and where it is so "short" a reply that i cannot feel sure about what is meant i then ask questions to understand which then irritates my boyfriend, he cuts me off then i get upset. He tells me i am pushing him away when i keep on..and yet i cant stop even then becuase i still WANT to understand.
I also think i qualify things i say as I like to make sure what is say is absolutely clear.

On the other hand, we enjoy each other's company and are very passionate with each other.

I have not expeirenced this problem in a previous initimate relationship ( i am 44 he is 45), and as he is very honest and loyal which i really like in him, i dont want to just give up and regret it later.
any advice or comments or others opinions would be greatly appreciated.
thank you


Answers

Written by dusky1 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Well, obviously there's a communication problem, but I think it's more than that.

There is something bothering ur b/f that either he doesn't know or he doesn't want to share.

communication in a relationship is very important, so you need to let him know how you feel, possibly acquire the assistance of a third party to help you two talk it out.

He needs to show that he is committed to the relationship by being willing to work trough this and coming to a compromise, because i think your present situation sounds very dysfunctional.

But I wouldn't go into more, because like I said, there is more to it, and as impossible as it may seem right now, you need to find a way to find that out, a strategic way, mind you, otherwise he will get irritated if you pest him about it.

His reasons for doing what he does could be so arbitrary it's not even funny....so until you find out what it is....just attempting to talk may do you n o good.

My opinion....best of luck....oh, maybe you can talk to his family to try to get a hint as to why he does it and when it started, because it's obviously not just you he does it with...which means that ur not really the problem....so go on that.

Written by Clyde 40 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Yeah, there for sure is a communication problem.

Have you tried to explain to him that you want to mull over things, or think things through before you move on to answer?

As Dusky said, you both might need a "third party," but I really would not get that unless absolutely necessary.

It may just be so commonplace with him (and maybe with his family) that he is just used to doing so.

Talk to him and see.

Best,

Clyde

Written by Thisisit 38 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I understand you don't want to "give up and regret it later"... but give up. If you DON'T, you're likely to regret it later.

You're only 6 weeks into this and already you're seeing a big problem. The ugly underbelly of a relationship shouldn't show itself this soon. Don't put more effort in -- it will only be wasted.

Wait for the next good guy to come along.

Good luck


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