Last night my girlfriend of six months just told me she has a four year old child and is still married to the baby's father.
Im not sure how to take the situation. At the moment i feel completely betrayed and my heart hurts like i never thought it would. I have been cheated on/dumped etc before but nothing like this compares.

I really need some advice on what to do next. Im not going to blindly follow anything people say here, but i will really appreciate your feed back and try to work it into my own decision.
The relationship has been a difficult one from the start. When i first met her, I was already in a serious relationship. When we first met, i had no emotional feelings towards her. I would just see her occasionally with friends , and thats all she was. Just a friend. As time went by and i got to know her better I started to relate to her on a lot of levels. One night after spending time together and a few drinks we really started to bond.. one thing lead to another and she ended spending the night at my place. After we had sex the impact of my decision/mistake? hit me. I had just cheated on my serious girlfriend and more than that I had just potentially harmed a friend i cared about. You see at that time, she was heavily abusing prescription drugs and had an alcohol problem. The girl is 25 years old and absolutely beautiful. She looks like a korean celebrity, with no plastic surgery. And has the body of a model. I only mention it so you can understand why alcohol eventually led me to be unfaithful.

Regardless. I really liked this person... I was honestly sad and heartbroken all the time when i thought about her, because i knew she was a good person. I knew the reason she abused herself with all the drugs and the alcohol was because she had been hurt. I knew that feeling and i could relate.. I used to get abused by my parents as a child/teenager and it lead me to make the same bad choices.. I had a problem with substance abuse since i was 14-18. I have been clean for the past seven years. Occassionally only having a drink socially.

The immediate problem i had was that, if i didnt try to help her. If i just let it end at a one night stand, which one of been the "smart" thing to do since i was already in aserious commited relationship with another, this person i honestly cared about would probably continue to hurt herself. Perhaps continue to get wasted, having more one night stands with strangers etc. I didnt want that for her..So i decided I would just continue to see her.. untill she got better or found a good boyfriend/relationship whatever. The whole time she knew i had a girlfriend, i never kept it from her. It bothered her a lot.. i could see it. And not soon after, around one month . I finally got the courage and broke it off with my serious girlfriend. Our relationship was perfect to be honest.. i know i fucked up when i cheated. But im honestly not a scumbag that would keep doing it. In my entire 25 years on this planet i have only had 6 partners. And they have all been serious relationships. This girl, the one with the problems was the first time i ever had a one nightstand/ out of relationship sex.

So after i broke it off with my long term girlfriend... and continued seeing the troubled one. We started getting closer. I spent a lot of time with her.. and i honestly felt she/it was getting better.

I am an old person now.. i know twenty five might not seem like much to alot of other people. But i honestly feel more mature mentally and emotionally than i ever have been. That is why i made all the choices i did.. please dont just see this as black and white... i cheated therefor im a horrible person. I did what I did for all the right intentions.

I could of just not seen her again. and my life would of been better for it.. i know. But then i would of just been another one of those assholes on her long list of scumbags who hurt her.

Anyways..back to the point. After we continued to work on our relationship we fell in love, inevitably. We spent a lot of time together and it was great.. she made me smile . She had a youthful personality..She quit drinking and doing all types of drugs. Completely sober. I held no resentment for her past.. i didnt care that she had slept with lots of men. I didnt care about any of that because it was the past, and she was with me now. And i knew she was faithful. So what could i do? I spirralled all the way down into love with her. More and more everyday.

Then it all started going bad.. really fast. Things started going really bad at work. I lost around 100k$ USD in the course of two months. And now im practically broke. I have 20k$USD to my name and the lease on my house ends in may. I told her/proposed to her we move out of this country ( South korea ) and move to the USA. I have an apartment there with no mortage. We could start over. She was really troubled ever since i gave her this news...
Then last night she told me.. She has a child.And she still hasnt gotten a divorce.

She told me she hasnt seen the father in over a year. And he isnt a part of his life. But the words meant nothing to me. after hearing the truth it was like in the movies when a huge bomb goes off and your ear drums dont work.. all you hear is a feint rining noise.. she kept talking but i just didnt understand anything anymore.

This is where i stand now... What do i do?? The foundation of our relationship was honestly made from toilet paper, not even sand. It took alot of work and dedication to get it to the point to where it was.. and this happens. Im so lost. Suicidal. Im almost broke. I have no help from my parents or anybody ( never have,, been on my own since i was 17 years old ). And now.. im completely alone.


Answers


Chemar
930 days ago
Hi

sorry you have been through all this hurt.

It was very wrong of her not to be honest with you, and sadly, once trust is so betrayed, it is very hard to get it back!

You are truly the only one who can make the decision on what to do for your future. If it were me, I would leave and start a new life for myself. You may feel old due to all you have been through, but you are a young man with a lot of life ahead. My personal advice would be to spread your wings and soar!