I'm 16 years old, and my boyfriend turned 18 in August.I'm a junior in high school. He just enrolled in college and it was really hard for me at first. I see him every weekend, and that's fine with me. The "long distance" does upset me of course, but it doesn't upset me as much as me thinking he will cheat on me. He's my first love, and I'm his first. We're each others first in..many things. I want our relationship to last as long as possible. At first, all of my friends would not have faith in my boyfriend and I. They always said he was going to cheat on me and that he'll get tired of me, and that he'll want a "hot" college girl instead of a regular high school girl. I'm...85% sure that he WON'T cheat on me. That's the thing though, I should be 100% sure he won't cheat on me. It is SO hard to trust him. I've been cheated on about 4 times, just because all of my boyfriends were assholes and wanted to use me. But I know this one actually loves me. He says he loves me at least..10 times a day. He always does the small, and or the huge..sweet and romantic things. The people who KNOW him as a good friend, or family member tell me he won't cheat on me. He is SUCH a caring guy, and I've never met a more funny, sweet-hearted, romantic, man such as he. My main problem is: paranoia. I'm so paranoid to where..I KNOW it's not healthy. And I do need therapy for it..but since I'm 16, it's hard to find therapy for that. He tells me he won't cheat on me and everything, and he tries to convince me that he won't. But that's the thing, he shouldn't have to try and convince me, I should trust him with all of my heart. It's SO hard though,it's so hard trying to trust him because of my ex boyfriends. But I know my boyfriend is nothing like my ex's so I'm acting a bit unfair. I do think that I'm not good enough for him though. Or that I'm too much of a hassle. I know that if I had any other guy at the moment, they would have broken up with me because I lack the ability to trust my boyfriends. I asked him if he wanted to break up at all since he just started a new chapter in his life..I asked him if he just wanted to start..anew. He said no, he says he wants to stay with me. But such VERY SMALL things get to me. And it's SO HARD to control it. We talk on Yahoo Messenger every day. And when he says "I'm going to go to the rec center" My first thought is,"oh he's going to see girls that are so much prettier than me, and he's going to be hitting on them the whole time" Or when he says he has to study with his floor mates, I automatically think, "He's not studying, he's doing something with another girl" He said he only saw one girl REMOTELY ATTRACTIVE at college, but doesn't find her attractive anymore because she smokes. When he said that..it hurt me a lot. I just..don't know what to do. I think about this stuff EVERY SINGLE DAY. I love him to death, and it's not his fault that I'm thinking these things. He hasn't given me a reason to not trust him. I love him SO much..but I'm not happy in my relationship because I'm so paranoid and insecure. I know I would be better off without him..but that being said, I would never be happy with any boyfriend I would have from here on. I just..can't break up with him. And the only reason I would break up with him would be for his sake. I don't want him to be with a girl who can't trust her boyfriend, or is insecure and questioning him in her mind all the time. It's absolute torture! I can't control it. I really need help. I need to know what the boundaries are of what is okay in a relationship, and what is wrong,or rather what I should be mad at, and what I shouldn't.. I need to know how to not be jealous. I need to know how to not be paranoid. I know my boyfriend is going to think girls are "hot", and I know he won't want to date them either. That's everybody. I'm as loyal as ever, I won't even go to another guy's house. But that doesn't mean I don't talk to guys. Guys are a majority of my friends, and my boyfriend knows that. I don't even like girls being in his phone address book. But there were guys in mine so I don't say anything. He got a texting phone and that used to be on my mind all the time, wondering who he was texting. I'm always wondering about what he is doing and who he's talking to. I just wish..so much, that I could be happy with my boyfriend..and not worry all of the time. I just..need help.


Answers


Clyde
2205 days ago
Hi there,

It sounds like you know the answer yourself. You say, "but I'm not happy in my relationship because I'm so paranoid and insecure..." and it sounds like you want to show that you are when you say you are not.

I don't really see him being the issue either. I see the issues you have built up in your head that you cannot trust any guy, because of what happened with the four others.

It is possible that he will find someone else later on, because he is a college student now, but unless you can work out your issues of feeling he will leave you--guess what? He probably will because he will feel that you are stifling him a bit.

And trust me, I know you don't want to do that, but you really are--because you are doubting yourself. You do need to discuss this with your school counselor/therapist or a regular therapist and let them know what is going on in your relationship.

If you want to keep it, you have to work at it.

Best,

Clyde