How do I get over my husband's emotional affair. I caught my husband texting a 22 year old from his work. He is 41. I haven't been able to read the text because he has erased them but I looked at the phone records. He texted her 2,000 times in 3 weeks. He says that he has stopped but only because I "Nancy Drew"ed and figured it out. I want to love him and forgive him but am so very hurt. Where do I go from here. If I forgive him won't he just think he can do it again?


Answers


bella
1203 days ago
Hi lacytree - I'm sorry you're going through this. I think the best thing is for both of you to get couples counseling. I don't mean to add more worry, but are you sure it was just emotional? I also wonder how hard it must be for you, to know he's still having contact because he works with her.

In most cases people cheat because they want that intense new feeling when a persons first getting to know someone. 3,000 times in 3 weeks - that's a massive amount of texting and almost sounds like an addiction. I understand your feelings aren't like a light switch...... you can't just turn off. You're probably angry and justifiably hurt. Does he have facebook and is she on this too? Your husband needs to know why he felt the need to do this and he also needs to understand why you're hurt. I hope you can both overcome this and restore the trust.



lacytree
1203 days ago
thanks so much for this answer. I also feel so alone because I'm embarrassed and don't want to tell family and friends. She is not on his facebook. I can't possibly know if it was just emotional because I am not with him 24/7. I'm just going by what he has told me and he obviously isn't who I thought he was. I don't think I am strong enough to deal with this.



bella
1203 days ago
Lacytree - you may not feel strong enough because you're just now absorbing all this....BUT you can and will handle this. First of all, this shows there's a lack of morals with your husband and this young woman. When someone is tempting the other in texts, they often know its wrong but its almost like a drug - its an exciting exchange that's hard to resist. Most mature men often fantasize about young women and its also very flattering.

Five yrs ago my marriage suffered a devastating blow. My husband is Muslim and they can marry up to 4 women, although most don't. I was assured by him, that he would never do this, but he did and I found out. He actually married her in a religious ceremony although not legally because he's married to me. The next day after I found out, I had to drag myself out of bed - I was devastated and had 2 young girls depending on me. it literally felt like I had a cement block on my back. Yes I cried many times and wondered how I was going to get through this. After going through this process of grief and anger, I made the decision...... I wasn't going to let him or this woman ruin my life. They're the one with flaws and I refused to let it knock me down for long.

My situation is far worse than yours, although our pain is similar and we can't really measure pain. Often when we think we can't bear one more disappointment, somehow we find the strength. Do you have children?



lacytree
1203 days ago
I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I know that I will be able to find the strength also. I have 2 children. My son is 19 and my daughter is 13. She is the only reason I am functioning in the day. I have to get up for her and put on a happy face. I don't want her to know what has happened. I have lost 10 lbs and never sleep. I take a nap from like 11-1 and then I am up all night. The night is the hardest part. My mind wanders and I think of question after question. Thank you for your kind words. I will continue to read this for support.



bella
1202 days ago
You're welcome Lacytree - I hope you along with your husband will be able to work through this problem and stay in your marriage. It's important for both to be willing though. My girls give me strength everyday too and I'm happy I have them. You're better than that 22 yr old who doesn't have anything more important to do than, text during her spare time lol. You can get through this and be stronger than before. I only shared my problem so you can see other people have gone through bad times too, but I'm still standing...as the song says lol.



servant1
776 days ago
yes i did the same thing to my wife, but it more worst than yours, now if your husband don't fine Jesus soon , you fighting a lost costs. I Found JESUS AN ASK HIM TO TAKE NASTY FILTH OUT OF MY HEART. i ASK HIM TO LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION AN TO DELIVER ME FROM EVIL, THIS I PRAY EVERYDAY AN STILL PRAY IT TODAY.BUT YOU MUST BELIEVE IN GOD AN ASK FOR HIS HELP. MY WIFE DID IT, GOD HEARD HER PRAYER. BUT I LOVE GOD WITH ALL MY HEART, NOW I'M A NEW MAN LIVING FOR JESUS AN LOVING MY WIFE MORE THAN EVER. PEACE ALWAYS