I had to stay in the hospital with my 4 year old for two days and left my 2 daughters with my husband and adult daughter during my absence. On the morning of my sons release from the hospital I received a phone call from my adult daughter telling me that she caught her father molesting my 9 year old. My husband is in the army so I contacted the bishop of my church and the MP's and CID, social work services, the whole 9 yards. My first concern was protecting my children. I asked my adult daughter to take the children to a neighbor and then drop her father off to work and come and get me from the hospital. We then went to CID where we spent the day making statements and being questioned. My husband was detained and questioned then placed in the barracks until the situation is resolved. He has a protective order not to see or talk to myself or any of our children. I feel very confused and think there is something wrong with me. I was told by my 9 year old that she has no recolection of the event, my adult daughter says that she saw everything and my 9 year old was laying still on top of her father chest to chest with her legs pulled up to her sides in a sort of fetal position with her head and chest resting on his chest. She says that they were both fully clothed. She says that he had his hands inside her shorts and possibly her panties caressing her buttocks and back repeatedly while moving underneath her. She said she watched this for about 5 seconds and then went to the livingroom to get her camera to take a picture. She states that when she returned to the bedroom she opened the door and the niose of the door alerted my husband that there was someone at the door and he was still at that point, she did not interupt she did not call the police she left her there and waited for a couple of hours to call me and aske me what to do. She is 22 years old with a child of her own that had an incident with sexual abuse at age 5 and I left that man the moment I found out about it. I resovled myself to leave my husband and never allow him around his children again.
However, we have been married for almost 13 years, he has never done this to any of the other children nor to our 9 year old before this incident, that I know of. He is not a person that has every really set limits nor does he set boundries and has at times been dismissive of the limits and boundries attempted to be set by others. I would like to stay with my husband and get past this and be a family. I have not seen him since this happened but feel that this could be an isolated incident and there could not be repitition if counseling and some type of support is put in place. I am very confused. My 9 year old does not understand, she does understand what forgivness is and says whe wants to forgive him, I do not know that I can. Is it possible for us to live together and for this not to be repeated? Am I then a horrible and selfish mother that does not deserve to have my children. I feel like this whole thing is my fault as our marriage has not been a good one. Please help me.


Answers


Chemar
1514 days ago
oh dear. this is very hard to reply on as the fact that your 9 year old is not confirming what her sister says she saw, leaves slight room for doubt. I am assuming that this would be the 22 year old's stepfather, right? or is this her father too, and is he the one who molested her when she was 5 years old? That part was a bit confusing for me to understand.

Why did she wait hours before calling you, instead of letting you know immediately?

Is she certain that she was not reliving something related to her own childhood abuse and mistakenly think this was sexual. *Please know I am not saying she is not telling the truth! It is just that a 9 year old should KNOW if her dad was doing something inappropriate with her, unless of course she was asleep, or perhaps she feels ashamed to admit what happened.

Have you been informed on what your husband has claimed about the incident?

In all truth, only your husband really knows what his intentions were and whether it was sexual. If he is innocent, this will have been an awful experience for him, and if guilty, then he no doubt is suffering the guilt and remorse associated.

It may be possible for the truth to come out if you and he meet under supervision with a therapist, and then decide the best way forward.

I dont believe I could stay with someone who molested our child, but this is your decision to make.

I hope for all your sakes that the truth is revealed and that you family can heal



barbs2222
1500 days ago
yeah sure its her decision to make to stay with someone who molested her child. I really dont friggin believe some people. is it any wonder so many poor children are let down



bella
1514 days ago
I agree this is a very difficult situation. You did the right thing by calling all the appropriate people and putting distance between you with your children, away from your husband. We can't say for sure if he's guilty - the authorities have to figure this out. What is he telling the authorities? Naturally if it did happen you want to support your child. If he did do it, I agree with Chemar - I wouldn't be able to stay married.

I think it's very important to tell children - no one should touch their private parts - not even your dad. Now that my own daughter is 8 and takes care of herself, by going to the bathroom and showering - even I don't have to touch her to care for her needs. Make sure your daughter knows this.

I hope you and the authorities figure out what happened. It would be a good idea for your daughter/you to get some counseling. I pray this works out and your family can heal from this.



andrea232323
1514 days ago
I need to tell you that you must trust your daughter with what she said she saw. I don't think somebody would go through the trouble of trying to destroy your relationship with your husband for no reason unless she is telling the truth. Something similar happened to my niece and father-in-law several years ago. My husband (who was 17 at the time and not married to me yet) was camping with his family. His niece who was just 11 years old ended up sleeping alone with his father in the camper. Nobody thought anything of it because he never did anything wrong in the past. Then my husband who was in a tent near the camper heard some strange moaning. He went back to sleep but was awoken again early in the morning by the same noise. It was just getting light out so he peeked into one of the windows to see his own father giving his niece oral sex. Nobody believed it until his niece finally had the courage to come forward and put her grandfather in prison. I just think why would your daughter go though all the trouble for no reason.



barbs2222
1500 days ago
agree with the statment up above. yes i do think you are a terrible mother if you take back your partner and i pray to god that if you do these children are took of you into proper care before he does anymore harm. you are a disgusting excuse for a human being for even thinking of taking back that monster for your own selfish needs. i hope you both rot in hell to be frank!!! poor kids for having yous as parents. you would of thought you would of learned the first time. and the fact that you wrote on there THAT I KNOW OF!!! really wants to make me sick cause you know there is a good possiblity that he has done this before but you dont really mind cause you never knew of anyother occasions. sick cow



foreverastudent
1492 days ago
Normally people don't say things like this unless it really happened...and the child might be too fearful to tell you herself.



Kariz0rz
1491 days ago
Barbs2222! How dare you be so judgmental! You don't know this woman, we don't even know that her husband is guilty of committing this act! Surely a nine year old would eventually come forward with the truth.

I know of women who after remarrying, were aware their new husband was molesting one of their daughters...both women stayed with the men for several years and neither got ANY help until finally one of the girls was old enough to press charges on her own. Both women have now finally left those poor excuses for men.

I do think it's odd for a twenty-two year old to come up with such an "elaborate" story for it to be a complete lie.

You're the one that needs to decide what to do...none of us know the full extent of your marriage or the all the details of the situation at hand. Do you think you could ever trust him again? If the answer is no, then you'll be miserable forever. Maybe it would be wise to live separate lives for awhile--you keep custody of the kids, he has monitored visitations, you both attend individual/couples counseling...see where things go.



Nicoletta_Vuitton
733 days ago
I am interested to know more about the sexual abuse of your other, older daughter. If she was abused by a father or previous husband of your's, you may have exceptionally bad luck, a 22 year-old daughter seeking emotional revenge for "allowing" her to be abused at a younger age, or you simply have poor taste in men and an inability to recognize pedophiles.