My partner has Aspergers syndrome. He wants sex preferably every day or more. If i don't provide, or even if I do, as soon as I leave the house he is on the internet watching porn. I was sexually abused by my granfather at 6 so my partners behaviour makes me feel very unsafe. I have tried to talk about it but he cannot empathize with my feelings


Answers


bella
1774 days ago
Hi Singrid,

are you familiar and educated about Aspergers Syndrome? Does he have a therapist? Trying to address this problem will be different for him compared to a person who doesn't have Aspergers. If he has a therapist, perhaps you could ask him/her about this. One of the key straits of Aspergers is their inability to empathize with other people - therefore please don't take this personal. It's not like he capable of empathizing but chooses not to. Another key trait is repetitive behavior and he may simply find this pattern comfortable, in supplementing his excessive needs and is engaging in repetitive behavior - a characteristic of Aspergers. I don't think putting a block on the computer would work in his case because he might become to upset. I think it would be best to consult a doctor who's trained in handling Aspergers Syndrome. The typical moral approach won't really work here and it would also help you in dealing with this problem too. He's not doing this because of you, so please don't take this personal. I hope this helps, Bella.



series0
1774 days ago
Sigrid60,

In your case, you have a very high difficulty relationship setup. Your very history makes you less likely, willing, or even able to cope with your partner's needs successfully. His very history makes him less likely, willing, or even able to cope with your needs. Neither of you is likely to satisfy the other's current needs. Please realize that I am not saying that either of your needs are valid or invalid. We can simply accept that these needs exist.

So, the question becomes how important are these needs to each of you and how likely is any degree of personal growth that will allow each of you to cope with the other's needs more regularly and satisfactorily. If these needs are fairly critical and the chance for personal growth is slim then your realtionship faces severe challenges. If however you believe that either or both of you can grow and or compromise with the other, then maybe the challenges will not be too difficult to overcome.

So, ask yourself these questions and maybe do so with the help of trained therapist.

1) Can you compromise with him over his needs?

2) Can he compromise with you over your needs?

3) If you can't compromise can he accept that?

4) If he can't compromise can you accept that?

5) Will he excersize his chance at personal growth?

6) Will you excersize your chance at personal growth?

Regardless, good luck!