My spouse has lied to me so many times. I have caught him to much. The first couple of times he was lying to me about smoking marajuna. (pardon my spelling). He says that he has since quit and I think that he has but always still wonder. Then I was with my kids renting movies when the lady at the till told me I had an over due movie, confused I asked her which movie, she said it was an adult movie. I had no idea he rented. I beleive that he watches alot of porn and I hate that, mostly because he hides it from me. If he was honest I wouldn't have such a problem. I recently found (penis rings) wich he says he uses to masturbate, but I don't know. He has lied so much before. Then wile I was out camping with our kids without him, we had gotten rained on and decided to come home to dry our things just for the night. My spouse wasn't home and didn't come home that night, he said that he was at a bachelor party (which I kind of beleive) but guess what we arnt going to the wedding. SURPRISE! I want to leave him but we have children, I have no job because I stay at home with the kids, and feel it is my responsibility to keep my family together. I don't trust him, but still love him. (GO FIGURE) But I really feel like I am in an abusive relationship. He lies I catch him he promises never to do it again and get help, goes to a therapist 3 times thinks he is fixed then the whole process starts over again. Ahhhhhhh Crazy making. I don't feel secure or good about myself any more. I basically don't feel safe. He wont hurt me it is just that I am always on guard. What do you think. P.S this time he wants to go to the therapist alone.


Answers


Mattie58
2224 days ago
If he wants to go to the therapist alone, that sounds like a good sign -- maybe he wants to open up about things that he doesn't yet feel safe revealing to you. If you have a good therapist, this shouldn't be a problem. (Though some therapists do have rules against seeing spouses alone -- have your therapist explain what the rules and reasons are.) It seems to me that you have good cause to be suspicious, but it's not entirely clear what's going on -- whether he's just secretive by nature (not very good for the marriage) or whether he's hiding an affair. The porn and the penis rings suggest a preoccupation with sex that he doesn't feel he can share with you. It doesn't necessarily suggest an affair to me, but to cut you out of those aspects, particularly if you're okay about the porn otherwise, seems worrying. Being away at night does seem very suspicious -- why would he not tell you beforehand? If he really is cheating, and he doesn't repent and try to put the marriage back together, it may not be worth it to "keep the family together." What kind of message would a cheating father send to his children? But you may need to think long and hard about how to manage things if you decide to leave. A therapist and maybe a support group might help you clarify things.



Clyde
2224 days ago
I dont see much wrong with him going to a therapist, as long as he goes. Make sure that he goes, without being obtrusive about it.

All the stuff he has may suggest a sexual relationship with someone else but THEN AGAIN, it may not.

I agree with Mattie, what kind of message would a cheating father send?

If you do feel the relationship is abusive, do not stay around in the relationship. I know it is easy for me to say, because I don't have kids, but you need to be protected.

Best,

Clyde



KimmyHo
2221 days ago
End it.

It's as simple as that. If you are not happy, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!!! If you aren't happy, your kids can sense it and then they wont be happy. You don't want that do you? Children can deal with separation and divorce easily with the right approach. Divorce is ok and is very acceptable now adays in society.

Your situation very much reminds me of my own (we're not together anymore) he was the same way. Lying all of the time. And then hiding things. We wouldn't have such a problem with what they're doing if they just TOLD us!!! If they hide it, or lie, then it means they have something to hide!! And if they do, what is it???

There are many community resources in which you can seek; such as food banks, womens shelters (that allow children), welfare etc. They are there for a reason, so use them!

Really, I can't tell you how much I hate liars, but you aren't happy either way, so get out ASAP!!! Take a night to think it over, but you know yourself that you aren't happy. It may be a painful process, but it's better than a painful lifetime!!!

Xo