Avatar Posted by hollowed454 323 days ago (Question)
last night me and my wife had a fight and she ended up going to her brothers for the night. She said she thinks I'm having an affair. I'm not. Said she's been feeling like this for sometime now and just hasn't said anything because she hoped things would get better. What prompted her to go to her brothers was I found out she had emailed her ex bf with her phone number. She got mad and left. She called me a little bit ago from work saying she doesn't know what to say and doesn't know if things can be worked out. She says we don't communicate very well anymore and fight a lot. I try to tell her I'm just stressed out due to bills and such which I am. I suggested counseling and she doesn't want to do that. I'm a complete loss at what to do here. Any help?


Answers

Written by claudia 322 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

There is a lot here that can still be done to resolve the issues of poor communication, lack of trust, and money worries. You did not mention how long this has been going on and how long you have both been together. Also not mentioned is what things you have both tried up to now to better your situation. Do you fight over the same issues often? Once a week? Once a month? Persistence and determination are key to resolving such issues. Both partners need to be open to compromise towards the solution and then you both need to stick to whatever you both decide. There is no easy fix. Relationships grow or die gradually, usually over a long period of time. Patience with yourself and your spouse is required. As well as understanding.

Written by hollowed454 321 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Actually I was unaware of these kind of feelings she had. My wife is bi polar and usually I just feel like she is building them up worse than they really are and I try to be understanding to it. She said she had been feeling like this for about 4 months now. We've been married for almost a year 2 years prior with a short break up somewhere in there. We talked about the problems last night and a lot of it I really had no idea she felt like that about some things. She said she had just been holding it back and hoped it would go away. We talked about the bills and instead of just going over the bills with her she requested we get a calendar and write the date which bill is due on and how much it is. said she has gotten bored with life because there's not as much passion in our lives as there was when we first got together. She said she would like to just start signing her paychecks over to me and have me deposit them into my account and basically put her on an allowance so to speak. I said I would rather put it in a joint account and monitor finances together. She didn't like that idea on that basis that she is very bad with money and just spends. I requested that she start not pulling punches if she is feeling bad about something let me know right away so we can start working on fixing it. On the matter of this ex boyfriend I asked her what her suggestions were for getting rid of him once again. She said she would just ignore any messages he sent her and said that they had talked very little about nothing really. She never would be very definitive about it. She said she had just contacted him because she had gotten bored and wanted some excitement. I don't know if that was meant as she was thinking of cheating if the opportunity presented itself or not. I don't think so because she said she wasn't willing to leave me to go back to him or anything like that. I feel in a way she wanted to get caught on that because she said that was just what brought all the problems to the surface. I hinted at changing her number and deleting his but she didn't pick up on it. All in all I'm going to try to correct the things she was havign a problem with and hope she will correct things on her end. I don't really want to monitor her but at the same time this contact of him has damagaed my trust in her some

Written by claudia 321 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

If your wife is bipolar, it would explain some of the difficulties in your relationship. Hopefully she is on any medication that she needs. It sounds as though she does not want to or is unable to take ownership of her life. She is unable to do basic things for herself (banking, paying bills). Her mood of being bored could be due to being bipolar. You have not been married for very long, so there is still much you can do to improve it, as long as she tries as well. No marriage with problems will survive long if only one partner is working at it to improve it and resolve problems. Most importantly is for her to check in with her doctor and adjust her medication if it is not working for her.

Written by Clyde 318 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

She's telling you a lot of what to do. She is talking about communication. Bipolar can be another issue to deal with.

Have you went to therapy with her?

Best,

Clyde


Log in to answer or register here.