Avatar Posted by juicymamajazyn 207 days ago (Question)
I have been with my partner for just under 18 months. He is a fantastic man. At the start of our relationship it was important that it was serious so we dicided to start a family and fell pregnant by 3 months. While i have also known my partner loves a small bet on the horses it didn't seem to be anything to worry about. However a couple of months ago he "urgently" needed to pay an outstanding bill that i was unaware of so i let him use almost the last of our money for a fortnight to pay it. I also went to the pub the next day with him and i had put i think $50 aside so he could have a drink and a bet with his friend. It had been a few weeks that he did anything for himself so i kind of surprised him but when i got to the pub (later than he did). He had apparently won a bit of money and shouted me a drink and a meal. He kept saying things like how lucky he was to have me and humerous things about my trust. Now i do handle the bills and i didn't remember the figure for the bill he said so i did some investigating and i couldn't find any reference or any truth to what he had said. So i confronted him and when he denied it, i asked him for a receipt and he accused me of being the one who had an issue. Then he calmed down and reassuered me that everything was fine and gave in to getting a receipt. I have now asked twice and still no receipt and it's hard to ask as i don't want to accuse him and i don't want to believe he would do something like this. Especially as he has had quite a few "urgent" bills that needed paying straight away. Some that left us short when our son was only days old and he needed formula and we JUST scraped through! Luckily! Now i can honestly say that every single time he's fucked up i have never blamed him for his mistakes. Those times that he has admitted to spending all of our money and getting drunk and doing stupid things for the reasons he says, i have not ever gotten angry or blamed him. I have assured him that everyone makes mistakes and encouraged him to learn from them. FFS i know i have made some really stupid mistakes myself and the last thing i needed was BS from the ones i really needed support from! Anyway that was 7 weeks ago that i confronted him and last night at a time when we didn't have a cent to spare he spent $20 on online poker and when i woke up he said he had won 44cents to cover up the fact there was some money in the account. Yes i am going to confront him about it tonight but i am still confused. I have also stood for what i believe in and i know he needs help through this but he keeps making it my fault and i don't know how to get through. He is an excellent father of our son and a fantastic person! If i left him i would go back to where both of our families are from and that would mean that he won't get to see him son but i don't believe that's fair!! So please give me some advice, i am so confused and i really don't know what to do!!


Answers


Chemar
206 days ago
Gambling can become an addiction and when it reaches that level, then only professional intervention can help the addict. If you truly feel your husband's gambling is out of control (and if he is lying then IMHO he is behaving in a typical addict way)

I think you should tell him that you are not prepared to continue this way and that the two of you need to see a counselor who can then refer him if necessary. Gamblers Anonymous may have some helpful info for you too
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bella
206 days ago
I'm sorry you're in this difficult position and I agree with Chemar....it seems his gambling has reached the addiction level. When you need money desperately to pay a debt, this is a bad sign. My brother in law has been a gambling addict for 40 yrs - 1st it was horses, then side card games and now slot machines. He's been lying and borrowing all this times. Sometimes he wins but in the long run, gamblers are the losers.

First thing is, you need to totally control the money - does he work? The trouble with addiction is, the person needs to honestly believe they want to stop. Since he's getting a thrill from winning, I'm not sure he's ready to get help. Its great you still want him to see your son, if you left. Unfortunately gamblers are also compulsive liars. You should talk to him and I really hope he listens/gets help. Don't suffer a lifetime with this and best of luck.
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Brokenangel
206 days ago
Gambling can be an addiction, but like any addiction, the person has to be willing to get help. Until this happens, it may be in your best interest to leave him until he gets help. Even if you don't know all the details, you have caught him in several lies already and this is not a healthy relationship for you and your baby.
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juddster
205 days ago
Seeking help is the best thing for a gmabler. I once had a mate who could spend $1000 in a night and was asking me to lend him money and all sorts. It wasn't until he hit rock bottom did he realise that gambling was taking over his life. He now has a 7 year old daughter he never sees and lies compulsively about his situation. He is not fully over it but understands now what the consequences are. It is a shame it took so much just to get him to understand. Now he has the addiction to overcome and still can't have a beer at the pub where there is betting available. If it is not handled immediately and properly these things can spiral out of hand very quickly. Get to the bottom of what is happening to your husbandpartner as it could take a while to sort out. Good on you for sticking by him as people in these situations need support!
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