Avatar Posted by stradine 204 days ago (Question)
My bf and I known each other for three years now.. we break up and make up, pretty much every two or 3 monts. Beside when we first started dating. We have had so many awfull fights. It gotten physical no one in my family sides knows and the friends of my mine that knew quit talking and hang out with me, his parents knows and even came and inturepted a few fights before. Some of my biggest issue with him were or still is. Trust,addiction problem,and to attache to me, like he's can't be alone. I have had so many mix emotions about me and him sometimes I just shut myself down. But then everytime we get back together I want that life and exciting future with him. Then he'll go do drugs and I would completly want nothing to do with him.I think I have been a pretty descant gf, I've been there for him everytime shit hit the wall. And he does the same for me. He went to jail for about two month I was right there by he's side, I try having fun while he was away but I would always end up crying almost every nite. But when he got out he claim I cheated on him, to make matter wrost he sister said the most hatfull thing someone could say to a human being,claiming its all my fault he went to jail and more. Now after a break up he cheated, I wouldn't say on me but pretty damn close.I have such mix feeling in this relationship I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should break up with him. Or make him suffer like he did me. Ill admit I'm not the most plesant to get to know. And with my life storie I don't really give relationship any credit. I know we love each other sometimes I think we wasting each others time, so do u think I should seek counciling with him, or is he a lost cause. P.s I want thing to work between us.


Answers


Chemar
204 days ago
Hi

honestly, from what you have written, my only advice to you would be to get out of this relationship as you are just going to be hurt (emotionally and it seems physically!!) over and over.

Counseling only works when both people are willing to go and get help. If he is willing, and you want to try, then yes, you could see if it helps....but I would not hold out much hope as this man sounds way too absorbed with himself and his wants! To me, his behavior spells TROUBLE! You can do much better for yourself by leaving and waiting for a man who will put his love and respect for you foremost in the relationship. JMHO
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bella
204 days ago
I agree with Chemar. If fights have turned physical and he's addicted to drugs, I doubt there's any hope at all for this relationship. First he has to get treated for the addiction and then the separate problem of fights being physical. He sounds like the typical abuser. You don't want to end up having kids and you'll feel very trapped. Isolating from family and friends is another red flag and so is being possessive/controlling.

If you do want to end the relationship, he may become violent so leave when he's not around and you may have to get a restraining order. Let his family take care of his addiction problem. I doubt he'll change so its better to leave now. Best of luck and be safe.
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tryingforhappiness
203 days ago
Im no expert but I have been in an abusive relationship both physical and emotionaly

My best advice would to be either try counseling together or just walk away

From this relationship.
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umamenina
202 days ago
I know how it feels when you really want something to work and it is not easy. No matter what people or no your brain say, your heart still wants it to work because you love him. I really believe in counseling therefore if he wants to you should try and see how it works out. Otherwise, I am afraid you will have to move on. Maybe you could go counseling for yourself so you do not have to go through this hard phase totally alone. Good luck!
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WISE-B
199 days ago
hi, it seems as though you have quite a handful on your hands.

being down that bad road of past drug addiction among other stresses?

you must look within self and ask & answer honestly. all that you see worth fighting for that this guy posses which attracts you.

then you must then determine how much are you willing to do in order to save this. because all that you have revealed where drug addiction is involved is a trying time and cant be fixed over night. it took me years to get back to where i am today as a good productive person.

in the meantime? i hurt a many of people along the way. some of whom i was able to go back and repair. others not. once you have honestly answered these questions. you will then be able to proceed to go forward.

Unfortunately, sometimes we are left with the reality that we must do what we honestly dont want to for whatever reasons involved but for the sanity & health of self?

we must.

For whatever this guy is coming up short?

there is another out there who wont.

you just got to search and test them in sutle ways to find out if that person is right for you.

good luck

peace
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