Avatar Posted by angie233 601 days ago (Question)
I'm beginning to get frightened and disturbed by the very specific sexual thoughts that plague me most of the time and the paranoid behaviour (which I'm currently managing to keep hidden from people) it seems to be bringing out in me.

The background to this, and what made me think it was nothing to worry about, is that I was in a relationship for three years in which my boyfriend had a very heavy porn habit and would usually turn me down for sex in favour of masturbating alone. This was obviously a bit of a battering for my self-esteem, so when I came out of the relationship with a dim view of porn and the claim that men's solo sessions didn't adversely affect a relationship, I just put it down to a kick against the rough ride I'd had.

However, two years on, the 'baggage' has taken on a life of its own. I've now reached a point at which I'm completely obsessed with the repulsion and paranoia of the thought of men in relationships masturbating. I mean, completely obsessed - this is far worse than when I was actually in the relationship. I can't meet a man without being immediately plagued by thoughts of him masturbating behind his partner's back. I try desperately to push these thoughts away but they hound me. I can't get into relationships (I've tried several times) because I am convinced, completely irrationally, that they are masturbating every time they leave the room when we're together. I've not been able to get far enough into a relationship to discuss the issue with a man. I spend my evenings researching the subject, studying the psychology of the male sex drive - I want to stop doing it, I arrange to do other things with friends and family, but the second I'm alone I'm thinking about it and reading up on it as though I can find out for sure if there are men who don't. I know it's ridiculous. It's totally out of character for me. I'm young, with a great job, sociable and outgoing - nobody would believe me if I told them about this but I'm getting very seriously worried that this is a lot more than a bit of relationship baggage and I wonder if it might have just been that the relationship problems were fodder for undiagnosed OCD?

I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this.


Answers


bella
601 days ago
Hi angie 233 - I'm sorry you suffered emotionally from a bad relationship. Do you have any other repetitious or obsessive habits besides this? I'm sure you know the majority of men and women masturbate. It's becomes problematic when the partner prefers masturbation/porn to sex with their partner, as in your case.

I hope you're not trying to find a partner who won't masturbate at all. Maybe finding a person with high standards and morals would calm your fears - even then you can't expect him not to masturbate occasionally. I don't think doing research into this will help you very much. Have you thought about speaking to a therapist. I know going through this must have been painful and not all men are like this.
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Chemar
601 days ago
I agree with Bella.

If this is impacting you to quite this level it really would be wise to seek therapy for it. I can understand your feelings about your ex as he hurt you by rejecting sex with you while having it with himself.

But the fact that this is still so intensely affecting you and causing you to extrapolate this extremely to all men is a problem, and one that may really benefit from therapy
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