Avatar Posted by Beccy03 51 days ago (Question)
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years next week. He has recently won a competition to fly to Melbourne and then at a later date, Queensland. I am quite fine with him going away, though I have recently been feeling like a third wheel.

My boyfriend is a twin, and yes, they have an unbreakable bond and its hard to separate them. Well after my boyfriend's twin broke up with his former girlfriend, he has been slowly interfering with our relationship. For example, I will suggest going to see a movie at the cinemas, and every time he will tag along. When my boyfriend and I are having a disagreement, it will be like arguing with the both of them instead of just my boyfriend.

Now that my boyfriend is away, every night his brother calls him up and talks to him, however one night my boyfriend told me he didn't want me to call every night but it was okay for his brother to do so. He even has requested that his brother be allowed to come to QLD with him, and informed me that I wouldn't want to come without even bothering to ask me. This whole time i have been saying wouldn't it be great to go on a holiday, and he decides I wouldn't like it.

I don't particularly think this is fair, i don't feel that i am any less important than his brother and I don't know why this is now an issue after so long of being together.

My boyfriend is 20 and i feel that at this age he should be slowly trying to pull apart and find that he has to find his own path in life, but now they are both intending on doing the same degree and getting the same job. Even when he comes back, his brother wants him to work with him on the first night that I can see him amongst work, because apparently he 'needs his support'.

Why can they not go their separate ways? Is it really that difficult to pull away from your twin?

I've spoken to him about this and he just says 'We're twins'. But I don't think this is really acceptable anymore, hes old enough now to make his own decisions and live independently, I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him, but I don't feel as important or wanted as I used to. Please help.


Answers

Written by Chemar 51 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

I can understand you feeling left out, and dont think it is good that your bf allows his twin to interfere in your relationship.....

but

there is a frequently a bond between twins that those of us who are not one could likely never understand

their closeness is something you should try to accept and never try to come between.

when your bf gets back, you could possibly calmly and non accusingly discuss your feelings re the twin brother interfering re your relationship. But I think you risk alienating your bf if you try to get him to "choose" as it were between you and his brother.

Written by pickled 50 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Blood is thicker than water. Let him go with his brother. His brother needs a loving hand by the sounds of it. He's not in a good way due to his relationship break up. Back off

Written by twentytroubles 48 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Maybe you can think of it this way.

You're upset because his brother is traveling with him.

But, you're wanting to travel with him too (like his brother) and be inseparable yourself. Is that living independently? If you end up married, there will be plenty of times he'll be apart from you with friends, family, or alone-- and that's an important part to life.

If anything isn't "fair," it's asking a boyfriend to distance himself from his brother and best friend for you.

You could, however, suggest special date nights for the two of you. Say you want to spend some quality alone time and a romantic evening, and go do something to yourselfs.

Written by Clyde 45 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think that you should talk to your bf alone and explain to him how you feel he is coming between the two of you, and if he doesnt let you do so, or doesnt agree with you, you may need to move on.

Best,

Clyde


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