Avatar Posted by sarahleigh 167 days ago (Question)
I am 20 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for about eight months. We went to high school together in our junior/senior years, but we didn't actually start talking until college. We began hanging out and I had a blast. I loved being around him because he could always make me laugh. I used to be nervous when we would hang out but as soon as I saw him all the nervousness washed away. He then asked me to be his girlfriend. I started to freak out and told him I needed to think about it. At the time I wasn't sure if i was ready for a relationship (I never dated anyone before him). After a day of thinking I told him yes. My thought process at the time was that I wanted to make him happy and that I was tired of being alone, but that second part I never fully admitted to myself until recently. I would think thoughts like, "I may not like him much now, but maybe I will grow to love him." and boy have I. I love him so much and I just want him to be happy. I would do anything to make him happy. The problem is that I still have days where I don't want to be in a relationship with him. He used to be very controlling. He would make me eat when I told him I wasn't hungry. If we were just laying there watching a movie he would move me to the position he wanted me in and wouldn't even ask if that was ok, plus he was too physically clingy. I eventually had enough of it all and broke up with him. I told him I wanted to experience more before I committed myself. He agreed with me but it still hurt him. I lasted two days before the depression kicked in. At the time I thought it was because I really did love and want to be with him, but now I don't know if it was just because he was a routine or not. We spent practically every day together so I had a lot of free time I didn't know what to do with. The first two days were great. I was so happy to be single. After I started to cry every night I asked him to take me back. It took a couple days to get him to agree to it. Things were great for a while. We talked things out and he has become so much less controlling its great. He is so loving and caring. I love him even more now. Lately I've been getting that feeling that I want to break up again. I know its not fair to him for me to be this way. I tried to think about it and write down my feelings. I tried to examine it from all angles but its so hard to be critical and logical when your so emotionally invested. I've come up with a few possibilities. One is that maybe I love him but am not in love with him. Is there even a difference? When we do stuff sexually it's pleasurable but I usually don't feel any spark between us. Some days I'll just look at him and think to myself "why am I with you again?" He seems immature at times and he even comes off as unintelligent at others. Another possibility is that maybe I just love the newness of a new relationship and since that's gone I want to find it somewhere else. Also I've noticed that I get this way when I'm close to my period. I start to feel trapped in the relationship and I'm a very claustrophobic person. I tried to examine those feelings in regards to the break up but I don't know if I feel this way because I'm just done with him, or if I just want some space. I tried talking to him about it but he just said that if I break up with him again then we are through and I wont get another chance. He said he wont even allow just a break. I feel so bad for hurting him like I am. He really is a great guy. His family is great and I'm friends with his friends. I'm afraid that everyone will hate me if I break up with him. I'm afraid of being alone and never finding someone as great as him. I feel so confused with my emotions. One second I love him to death and then next I wish I was 100 miles away. I just really want to know if it is at all possible to be able to figure out how I really feel. I over think way to much and I'm tired of it. I just want to know what to do and what's right for me.


Answers


bella
166 days ago
Hi - only you know for sure if you should stay in this relationship. Why was he concerned about you eating - do you miss meals or are you underweight? Unless there's a reason, he shouldn't be telling you to eat. You're young and never dated before him, so perhaps you're not ready to settle down and need to casually date instead. Is he still controlling? Was there ever that spark in the beginning??
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tiger4555
162 days ago
Thats up to u if u love him you wont.
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