My husband and I have not slept together in 12 years, and 7 years ago he walked out on me and got his own apartment in the next town. He continues to be very active in the children's lives and supports me financially.
We went to couples therapy and I also went to individual counseling and we worked through a lot of the issues that caused him to leave. We have talked over and over again about getting back together, and I want to do so, and he is forever "on the fence" about it.
We ended up going to a divorce mediator and working out a divorce agreement about 2 years ago, because even though we talk constantly about possibly getting back together, for him it never gets past the "Let's talk about whether we should try to get back together" stage. We even both have hired attorneys.
I never wanted the divorce, and so I don't want to file for it, but he also has not filed. I think he is happy with things the way they are, but I am miserable living this way. I am not able to move on to a new relationship because we are still technically married, yet we haven't even touched each other physically in over a decade, and haven't lived together for seven years. I think he should file for the divorce if he wants one, because I don't want to be the one to file for a divorce I never wanted in the first place and still don't want.
At the same time, I keep wondering why I continue to put up with it the way it is now, as I am completely miserable the way things are now. My husband says he also is in pain over this issue, yet he is the one who is causing this pain by staying away.
We long ago resolved all of the issues that I know of. We did have some serious issues, but both of us are good people, and I feel that our issues, while serious, should not be keeping us apart any longer. Apparently he does, but then he won't end the relationship and keeps saying he wants to continue to "talk" about whether we should get back together, but he is not ready to make a decision about it until we "talk" more and more about it.
I'm just at a loss as to know what I should do. Should I file for a divorce that I don't want, just to end all of the pain and be able to move on, or should I stay in this marriage and hope eventually he comes around?
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