Avatar Posted by Ellie186 226 days ago (Question)
Hey all!

I'm here wondering what you would do if you were in this situation. You may judge me, and you'd probably be right to, but I'm here for your advice all the same!

I have been dating my current boyfriend for nearly 3 years. My friends tell me that I'm extremely lucky to have found him, and I agree. He respects me, he protects me, he's polite to my family and is always trusting.

Before him, I had only ever dated one other guy, and the relationship was hell. My ex was older than me and was controlling, violent and both physically and mentally abusive - in addition, he also spent 6 months of our relationship seeing another girl as well as me (and treating her exactly the same, may I add). I left what should have been a happy 'first-love' relationship feeling completely shattered and unable to socialise with people correctly.

A few months later, I met my current boyfriend, and I am not exaggerating when I say that he saved my life. I started the relationship suicidal, anxious and an emotional wreck. In the years that we have been together, I have rebuilt my confidence and independence. He put up with my every insecurity, including several accusations of him cheating due to my past experience.

Now, nearly 3 years on, as I have regained my independence, my feelings towards my boyfriend have started to change. Previously, we have talked of marriage and even children, and he gave me the feeling of security that I lacked. Now, although I know deep down he's one-in-a-million, I find myself longing to be free to do what I want - to be single after spending nearly 5 consecutive years in a relationship. My new found confidence has made me want to explore new opportunities - my uncle, for example, loves to travel abroad, and I would want to do the same - in other words, I want life experience before I settle down.

I recently went away on a trip with friends and these feelings reached a point where I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with a man I met on holiday (we didn't have sex, it was everything but). I know that this is awful, and I completely regret what I did, but I can't help thinking that if I was really happy in this relationship, I wouldn't have done it.

I'm torn between the fact I really do love my boyfriend despite what happened, that I know he loves me and it would break him to know what I'd done/if we split up, and I feel like we've been through too much for this to end. On the other hand though, I don't think it's fair on him to stay with him considering what I've done, and I'm not ready to settle down with one person for the rest of my life. That said, he's ideal for me, and I have a feeling that if we split up I'd wander around for a few years before eventually drifting right back to him (then what was the point of splitting up anyway?)

My head's all over the place, and I'd appreciate your comments. Thank you.


Answers


ToBeFree
219 days ago
To be blunt...Yes, end the relationship. You don't have to tell him the truth, but just end it and be free. It's your right to be single and independent, to discover who you are and what you really want. Don't feel bad about it, and don't stay in a relationship that you are drifting away from because the truth seems to be that you want out.
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JWunder2
218 days ago
Your guy's relationship brought you back to who you were as a person and now the new you doesn't like him, so you shouldn't feel guilty about that. But I think that you should tell him about cheating because it would be 10x worse if you broke up with him and then he finds out you cheated on him by someone else.
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bitty94
217 days ago
if you are feeling that you are not ready to settle down and that you want to be free and single, then yes, end the relationship. its not your fault that you have become happier and independent. why stay with him if you yourself are not happy? go and be young. go be happy. there is plenty of time to settle.
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Ronnayy
216 days ago
I would say yes to ending the relationship. Having cheated on him and you not having told him will only make it worse for you because you have the guilt on your shoulders. Honesty really is the best policy. it also is normal for you to want to go and be single when you have been in a relationship for as long as you have been, maybe you need to just tell him that you need to take a break. Not a break up, but a break. then you guys can go and do your own thing s for awhile then come back to each other in a few weeks. and see what happens then. Sorry that this was so long but i hoped i helped..
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hairboater828
216 days ago
If you have cheated, end it. You are unhappy. I have never cheated but I find that when I start thinking about it, it is time to call it quits.
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Nut-Ina-Rut
215 days ago
It seems like you found a great guy and your lucky to have found such a positive influence in your life at such a critical time. With that being said however, staying with him would not be a good idea for either one of you. You are young and life right now should be focused on yourself. Since your feeling that you are not ready to be tied down you need to let him know especially since you have already begun to act on these feelings. He may even appreciate your honesty and decide to remain friends.
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alwaysthinking2012
211 days ago
Yes, end it

He sounds like a great guy and deserves to know the truth. I am sure it will hurt him, but in the end it will be better for the both of you. He may still want to be will you after thou, so you will need to figure out what you really want so he is not led on.
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