Avatar Posted by kman 432 days ago (Question)
Recently my wife told me that she is unhappy and wants a divorce. She just started a new job and has not been healthy. She's been to doctor and been prescribed vitamins and medicine to help her tiredness.We sleep in seperate beds and she does not want to have sex. I'm frustrated and angry at her because she is not willing to try to work it out. WEe have a five year old and I don't want this rigth now. How can i convince that we need to go to counseling instead of divorce court?


Answers

Written by andrew 432 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

I can really empathise with you - it is really tough when someone you care about doesn't want to talk about the situation.

Starting a new job is stressful for anyone. Do you think you are helping your wife at the moment or do you think you're adding to her stress level? Please don't take that the wrong way, it's just that if she finds it stressful simply being around you then it's going to be difficult to talk about finding a solution.

Maybe your wife has picked up on the fact that, rightly or wrongly, you feel angry and frustrated? Maybe she needs some reassurance that if she tells you what's troubling her then you’ll just calmly listen to her and accept her point of view. She loved you enough to have a child by you and people don’t generally wake up one day and decide they want a divorce so even though your wife’s unwilling to talk straight away, there is probably stuff to talk about.

From what you’ve said, if it was me then I wouldn’t move either towards a divorce or towards counselling at the moment. I’d concentrate on getting to a place where you can sit down together and talk about how each of you feel your relationship has got to where it is now.

When your wife is feeling less tired, settled in her new job and you’ve at least made some headway in being able to talk perhaps ask her whether she would like for you to both try counselling.

All the very best with it,

Andrew

Written by kman 431 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you

I never looked at it from that point of view, I only wanted to see the negative.

Kman

Written by Clyde 431 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Kman,

It could be the new job being a lot for her to handle, and as Andrew so awesomely picked up on--she probably picked up on the vibes that you are giving out.

I too, think that the most important thing at the moment is for the both of you to set down and talk this out a while before anything such as counseling and/or divorce takes place.

Best,

Clyde


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