Avatar Posted by lahope 1399 days ago (Question)
I am 5 weeks into a new relationship so I know it is very early days for us. We both came out of long term relationships last year. Our first 4 weeks were very intense, we've even booked a holiday with our kids. All our respective children have met each other and get along great. His parents do not accept he is in a new relationship as they think it is too soon. Where as my parents accept that i am in a new relationship. Very early into the relationship my new partner brought up the fact that he loved me and i told him i felt that way too. In fact I have never felt this way about anyone, not even my ex husband or partner. I feel so relaxed in his company and can talk about anything to him. He broached the subject of living together sometime in the future which was something that we both hoped would happen. I have even met his ex wife as she wanted to know who her 2 girls were going on holiday with, quite understandable and i was quite happy to do this.
The other night when we ended our phone conversation i said i loved him - no answer - he said he felt funny about saying it as he now thinks it is too soon. He said not to worry about it and not read too much into it. He thinks he loves me and says he has very strong feelings for me. He wants to slow the relationship down a bit as it is going too fast. He is still wondering if he has just grabbed the first person that has come along and wants to slow things down to let our relationship develop naturally. We have only talked to each other briefly for the last 3 days due to his work commitments. I did ask him today if i should be worried about what he said the other night and he said no. However i feel gutted, I understand where he is coming from but can't help thinking this is the start of the end and he is having second thoughts and is trying to let me down gently. I can''t get this feeling out of my head, I can't concentrate on anything or eat. I know i need to try and see sense. We have so much in common and get on great when we are together. Advice please!


Answers


bella
1399 days ago
This is my personal opinion - I don't think you can truly know someone well enough to move in together in just 5 weeks. How old are the children? How long have you both been divorced? The famous Dr Joy Brown would never approve of even introducing the children this soon. I think you both should slow down a little. If you having these symptoms of not being able to eat or concentrate, imagine how bad it would be if you were together years and split. Try to relax and take it slow.
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lahope
1399 days ago
Thanks for your advice. No, we don't live together, but it is something that we would like to do in the future. His children are 6 and 4 and mine are 25, 17, 11 and 7. we have both been separated from our partners for nearly a year. We decided to introduce the children sooner as we are going in 7 weeks to give them a chance to get to know each other. We booked the holiday as friends to keep each other company. My partner has mobility problems and is hesitant to take his children on holiday alone. We discussed slowing down a little to make sure we got it right and ensure we didn't make mistakes and end up splitting up. Its just I'm getting bad vibes about him not wanting to say he loves me anymore. It gives me the impression that his feelings for me are subsiding. If the love thing hadn't happened this would be much easier to cope with. x
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bella
1399 days ago
Thanks for the reply. It's hard to know for sure if his feelings are subsiding or he's one of those people who dive in fast, then have second thoughts - the afraid of commitment type. Perhaps his parents are encouraging him to play it cool. If you feel close enough, perhaps you can ask him how he's feeling - maybe you both will agree to take it slow for now. Try not to let any relationship affect your appetite etc. and be strong. Best of luck
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Clyde
1386 days ago
It could be possible that the parents are influencing the relationship somehow, but I think he would also (hopefully) be man enough (or I should really say ADULT ENOUGH) to let you know if he didnt feel the same way.

It probably is a good idea to play it slow, regardless. It has only been 5 months, and you both are in love and all that?

It could and can very well be, but five months is NO TIME in relationship time.

Enjoy it and take it slow...I dont think he is trying to get off the hook so to speak.

Best,

Clyde
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