Avatar Posted by stellar1 39 days ago (Question)
I guess you can say I have been dating this guy-nothing official yet- for the past few months. Im 23 he's 22. He has bought me bouquets of roses twice,cooked me dinner and I have also had dinner many times with his family. Stayed late watching movies and talking/awkward silences. He has also started exercising with me, since I am training for a race.

I was the first to initiate a kiss with him bc he planned a special day for my birthday…so the next day I kissed him. Then 2 weeks later he kissed me while we were hanging out. It has been a few weeks and I don’t feel as if this is going anywhere. I figured he would ask me to be his gf by now?
He seems scared to touch me…like hold hands or hug…I don’t get it? I know a lot of guys are hesitant with me bc I’m a ‘good girl’. If I try and act seductive or send flirtatious texts I basically get turned down. LoL. But I don't want to change how I am!

It seems as if I am the one always initiating events with him…like the past few weeks I have been the one to invite him out to the movies/eat/hang out. Yet he also makes future plans. && I am the one who always texts him. So I have decided to stop because I dont want to seem obsessed. So far it has been 6 days and he hasn't texted me either.
He has told me more than once that he really likes me and he knows I like him as well. So I just dont understand.

Is this indeed dating? Or is he just seeing what’s out there? Is it bc im such a goody good that he is taking his time? Or am I just being used? If that’s the case why would he waste money on me? And spend all that time with me?

I respect myself so I like being the 'good girl'. This is my first time 'dating' someone ever...I have nvr had a bf.

So idk how to be affectionate...I feel so weird trying to be like that and 'open'. Perhaps these things are making him act the way he does?


Answers

Written by jessie101 39 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Well, if he sees you as a 'good girl' then maybe hes a little scared/nervous about what to do next. Maybe he wont take it anywhere because he feels like he has to walk on egg shells, making sure he doesnt go too fast or something. Or, he just not that into you. I would talk to him, maybe he just doesnt know how to get the convo. started.

Sorry if this didnt really help XD

Written by dusky1 39 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

yeah.....I agree with jessie....maybe he just doesn't know how to go about it....so maybe you have to initiate that too. Or not really initiate it, but let him know how you feel. This is a classic communication problem...ur making assumptions and reading into everything, while he's probably doing the same. So it's best you stop torturing yourself and let him know what's up and if he happens to say that he's doesn't want to hook up, then you would have saved a lot of time and thoughts, lol. You never know, maybe he wants to hook up with you but is afraid of asking, but if he doesn't, just move on....it's not the end of the world, guys come and go and if you have to 'get over him' best to get straight to it.

Best of luck....am sure things will work out!

Written by Clyde 39 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

He may worry that you dont want it to go any further. Can you communicate about how you are feeling, and see what he says back?

Things will never change if you allow them to stay the way they are.

Best,

Clyde

Written by series0 38 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hello stellar1!

There are a few things I notice in the way you expressed this situation. Although you recited the fact that you are always the on to initiate you never actually said that it bothers you to do so. In fact, the tone of your statements seems to me to indicate you are simply a bit surprised that a guy can be so coy and perhaps submissive.

From what I can tell my best advice to you is this: Decide if you are comfortable taking a leading role in the realtionship. Do not expect him to change. If you seriously dont mind asking him out and taking the initiative almost all the time, then dont worry about it and just accept his agreement at face value. Resolve within yourself that you will have to make the first move, the second move, the third move, and the 27th move. It may seem like gender role-reversal but if both parties are comfortable then its still a match.

Now if you WANT a more desicive man who takes charge or you'd rather have a relationship that is 50/50 in character then I would argue you already have VERY STRONG EVIDENCE that this guy is not like that. Changing people is a recipie for disaster and a lot of submissives and dominants get very confused dealing with people who want 50/50. After all half the time everything works great! But over time half the time just won't be good enough.

So decide what you want and if he is just surprising you by being "exactly that", enough for you to post on this website about it, then maybe its a realtionship you should relax and invest in. Otherwise try communicating if that will help but ... it might be square peg round hole.

Regardless, good luck.


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