I can’t get over the feeling that something isn’t right with my boyfriend. I have to say I have issues of my own. I have depression, anxiety, have come from an abusive childhood and have been sexually abused too. So, I don’t know if all this plays a part in what I feel now. You know how people say or do things that really stick in your head and for years you remember them then a point comes when you think, I knew it, I remember that time when…blah…blah…blah and it’s like all of a sudden you have all the answers? I am afraid that might be happening to me now. Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together since my daughter was three. She is now fifteen and he and I have a one year old together.
When my boyfriend and I started dating he repeated a joke he had been told about a pedophile kidnapping a little girl and taking her into the woods. I didn’t think it was funny at all so I just looked at him thinking WOW did he really just tell me that joke. I wouldn’t think anyone would repeat a joke about abusing girls unless they thought it was okay to do so and funny. A couple years later he told me about a guy he worked with that did jail time and was a registered sex offender for abusing his stepdaughter. I responded saying that was sick but he said she was older; in her teens and that he said he didn’t do anything to her. That stuck in my head because it was like he was saying because she was a teenager it was okay. By this time we had been together for about three years. My boyfriend and daughter were not close. I would ask him why he didn’t talk to her or spend time with her and he would say he didn’t want me to think he was putting the moves on her. He has said that on more than one occasion. I always thought that was an odd comment to make because I never thought of him that way, and never thought something was going on between the two. Years later he had made a random comment about “old enough to go to the store, old enough to get bread”. I have never heard the expression before and didn’t know what it meant so I had asked him. He said it meant if a girl was old enough to go alone she was old enough for sex. I asked him if guys really thought like that, but he didn’t answer me. Another time my friend’s daughter had been sexually abused by her stepbrother. I had told my boyfriend about it, months later we had a friend over and my friend had called and then my boyfriend wanted me to tell our friend what happen to my friend daughter, but it was like he thought it was funny or like hey check this out. It was weird because I didn’t think it was something to gossip about. The last thing is my boyfriend and I were out with some friends and one of them had asked about my daughter and my boyfriend jumped in saying she is trouble. I didn’t know why he had said this because she wasn’t getting into any trouble at home or school. Didn’t have a boyfriend and wasn’t even interested in boys. Months later out with our friends again, one of them had made a comment about my daughters recent hair color change, she colored her hair the same color as mine. My boyfriend was telling our friend that my daughter was outside when he was driving up and thought my daughter was me and how he was like WOW! When they asked how she was doing he again said she is trouble. I asked him what he meant by trouble and he said that she is a cute kid and she is going to have a lot of boys, but then said but I guess we don’t need to worry about that now. I feel crazy for thinking something isn’t right. She walks around wearing only a towel. She wears short shorts, low cut tops. When I tell her not to walk around in only a towel, or to pull her top up, or shorts down she doesn’t listen. When she does these things my boyfriend pays no attention. It’s not like I see him checking her out, but there is something I just can’t get over. I tried talking to him about this but it doesn’t go anywhere. He denies saying the things he has said, or says he doesn’t know why he said it which is pretty typical of him. He does that anytime I try to talk to him about anything serious. Please give me some response. I am going out of my mind.
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