Avatar Posted by apprehensivegf 209 days ago (Question)
I've been dating the same fellow for a couple of years now and the last number of months has giving me grown concern and I'm not sure how to approach or even handle this situation.

I've always known that he has had tendencies to watch porn and booty shake videos on YouTube.

But over the summer I came across pictures he secretly took of girls under the tables at the library on his phone and he was also downloading chat applications on his cell phone. I've confronted him about these and dealt with it. Or so I thought. As now I see that he is searching up beastiality on the internet. I really feel like he has a porn addiction and it's escalating.

I've point blank asked him if he has a problem but he denies it and chalks it up to curiosity and normal.

He doesn't know that I know about his now beastiality 'curiosity' .

How should I approach this with him?


Answers


Chemar
208 days ago
I always feel honesty is best, so if you are going to talk with him, you just have to do so. I have a personal aversion to porn and anything truly devious like bestiality or even violating girls by secretly photographing them under tables! If he were caught doing those under the table photos he WOULD be charged!!

I guess you really have to decide for yourself if your feelings for him are strong enough to live with deviant behavior. If he sees it as just "normal curiosity" then, like most addicts, he is in denial and there is nothing you can do to help someone like that if they don't see their need for help, or want to change.

You are not married or engaged, from what I see in your post, and so you may need to evaluate whether you really want to stay in a relationship where his sexual desires are not primarily focused on you.
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bella
208 days ago
Hi - I agree with Chemar. How old is your BF and how old are the ladies he's taking pics of at the library?? He could get into trouble for violating their privacy and this could escalate to more devious behavior. Porn addiction is very tricky because the person has to realize its bad for them - since most get gratification from porn they usually have to reach a point where they realize its bad. This may not happen.

Another thing most men don't realize, is porn addiction can lead to impotence and I'll explain how. The man becomes depended on more and more stimulation to get excited....then he finds it difficult to get excited in real life because it can't compare to things like bestiality. I agree if you don't have alot invested in this relationship, you should let him go. Sadly porn addiction can lead to a lonely unfulfilled life.
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MEdwards
208 days ago
I think Bella and Chemar have it right, and if you can't get him to drop this, you should seek other people. :( Speaking frankly, I'm less concerned about his online activities (though I'd say in any relationship, if it bothers one of the partners, it should be dropped, period) than I am the pictures...that's a whole 'nother ballpark. I agree with Bella's opinion on pornography, but the pictures is an active, seeking behavior conducted in real life, if the differentiation makes sense. If he's caught, he's likely going away for awhile. :(

Please know you're in my prayers. I wish you my very best.
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e0198874
206 days ago
Talk to him about EVERYTHING you've discovered if you haven't already.

Like Chemar said, honesty is best.

Let him know you know what's up with all this disrespectful behavior he's been up to.. I think it would be good for him to get some help.

Suggest seeing a therapist or if he isn't up for that you should reconsider staying with him.
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Jarhead
202 days ago
Frankly a direct approach would be wise in my opinion. He claims that the above actions are as you say due to curiosity and simply being normal, if he honestly believes that then when you confront him with the fact that you are aware of his, lets call it a situation, he will not be ashamed of it. If you confront him and he attempts to deny or anything of the nature of resisting then obviously he recognizes that it is wrong in which case you affirm the fact that it is wrong and approach the situation from a helpful standpoint. As was already stated therapy of some nature would be a good option hopefully reversing his behavior but at the very least investigating some of the potential causes. Good luck
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