Avatar Posted by Ayelai 115 days ago (Question)
A few months ago, I began dating my current boyfriend. He is the first real boyfriend I've ever had, and up until recently everything has been fine and dandy. I was happy, content, and blissful. However, lately I've been feeling just confused, anxious, scared, stupid, and all the other little emotions and feelings that go along with that.

I think maybe I've been feeling these for a little while, I just haven't really been paying attention to them. Now, I'm kind of worried and just wondering what's going on.

Anytime I'm about to see him, I always get anxious. I always have an anxiety attack just waiting for him to show up in his car at my house. My heart begins to beat rapidly, I feel like I can't breathe, my stomach seems to get mauled by butterflies, and I just get unbearably anxious.

Sometimes, when I'm around him, I feel... I guess I'd say "inferior" or "awkward" or unsure of myself. I don't have any idea what I'm doing. I'm not confident like he is, and I think I may be a little bit scared of being close to him. We only hug and kiss and cuddle and the like, but I feel that even though he hasn't done some of the things he's done with me with his past girlfriends, he's way more confident than me. More experienced. I'm quite the opposite.

I think I feel this way because I'm in a new situation (never dated anyone before) or because of my mom. My parents are divorced and have been since I was about 3 years old. My mom always has a new boyfriend, and sometimes she gets hurt (emotionally - she's never been abused), they fight a lot, he ends up being a creep, etc. I think that because of this parental example, somewhere within me, I'm afraid of being hurt, failing in this relationship, afraid of losing what I have, not being a good girlfriend, etc.

I don't have the best self esteem, either, and I'm new to relationships and being loved romantically, and... You probably get the idea. Anyway, he loves me and I love him and I need some opinions.


Answers

Written by linda0202 115 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

It sounds like you have a lot of insight into the problem already. It sounds like you'd like for this relationship to go forward and that you're just worried due to your family experiences and/or your inexperience. Take things slowly.. . you and your boyfriend have time to work through this and hopefully as long as he is supportive of you, you'll gain the confidence you need. Afterall, this is all very new to you so give yourself permission to accept yourself as you are. . . as far as the anxiety, my daughter had panic attacks for years and using a biofeedback technique where you take yourself (mentally) to a safe and enjoyable place for you can do wonders. Look on the internet for biofeedback techniques for panic attacks and try some of them. I think if you can control the physical symptoms of the anxiety, that may reduce some of your feelings of being insecure. Nice slow, deep breaths can do wonders for all kinds of problems! Hope this helps! I know you'll manage this and enjoy your new love!

Written by Ayelai 115 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you so much for your answer! It helps a lot and I appreciate it. I'll try to use some of those techniques to calm down. Your advice is already making me feel more secure with myself.

Written by bellacutie 114 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think you received good advice from the first post. As long as your boyfriend isn't making you feel scared or stupid then I agree you should take it slow and use the relaxation techniques described. Hopefully this is just those typical butterflies that many of us get. You should also try to boost your self esteem as well. I agree your feelings are due to seeing your mom go through relationships and your new dating situation. Good luck.

Written by Ayelai 114 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you for answering, bellacutie. I don't think that it's my -boyfriend- that's making me feel scared stupid. I think it's more the situation as a whole. I appreciate these answers.

Written by bellacutie 114 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

That's good to know - I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting bad vibes from him. When I first started dating I used to feel nauseated sometimes, but it gradually went away. Maybe you just like him alot - you know how people talk about those butterflies and tunnel vision where all they see is their special person. Best of luck to you both. :)

Written by Ayelai 114 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Mhm. I understand. He doesn't give off bad vibes at all. Actually, he's like the exact opposite of a creeper. x) I'm lucky to have him. Anyway, thanks again for the advice. I'll try not to talk so much. I talk a lot sometimes.

Okay, a lot.

Written by Clyde 114 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

The one part of it--with the butterflies and stuff--sounds like you are just interested in the relationship.

That usually is a good thing.

You probably are worried about him not liking you or something, and worried about the whole situation. But talk to him and explain things and see where it goes.

Communication is vital for couples. If he doesnt know what you want, and then you get mad because he doesnt know, whos fault does that become?

Best,

Clyde

Written by Ayelai 109 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you for answering. :) All these answers have been very helpful.


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