have been married for almost 30 yrs. two years ago my husband had his prostate remove due to cancer. He has totally changed, not only personally but unable to get or maintain a full erection during sex.He has become very flirty with other women, drinks allot more alcohol,doesn't pay his credit card bills. last year stated he "didn't want to live, doesn't feel like a man," recently found out has been text messaging another women. He admitted to it stated I wasn't romantic, he didn't feel needed. I just got out of school,allot of my time involved there. He also has been working away from home the 8 months coming home for weekends here and there. I spoke to a counselor , told me living apart doesn't help the situation. Guess he feels attractive when other woman give him attention. He told that other woman text him with sexually messages and made him feel good. He has stated he will work on our marriage,no infidelity. Got any advice!!!
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Answers
I agree with tat2doc, that it is probably an ego downer, and he probably definitely feels less of a man.
My dad is 74, and has had lung cancer from smoking. He had a lung removed. He told me just the other day that he does not feel so much like a man anymore, because he cannot get up and move around and do everything like he used to do, because he gets winded just walking the 100 feet to our mailbox. My dad used to be such a strong, virile, powerful man, and while I can still see remnants of it, I know that he knows its long gone, and I can tell it bothers him too.
The text messages your husband is doing is more than likely due to the fact that he wants to keep feeling that he is viable, virile, strong, and powerful.
You definitely need to seek a couples counselor, or at least hope that the counselor you mentioned will allow the two of you time together.
He needs you now more than ever, even if he is acting this way. He feels less of a man to himself and to you. Try to think of things that make him feel more "manly" and see if you two can do them together. If he likes fishing, go with him. If he likes football, watch some games with him (or baseball)...you get the idea.
I really hope the best for you,
Clyde
Wow, lots of questions. Uh, I can't speak for your husband, or from experience with prostate cancer but I did have testicular cancer in 1994 and although I can maintain an erection, it takes a lot for me to reach orgasm.
I think, and this is only my opinion, but it seems like he's thinking like me when I first found out that my "stuff" wouldn't work like it used to (I can orgasm but I have no discharge). It's a blow to his ego or manhood, or whatever you wanna call it. Depending on how he handles it that is. Could it be that since things don't work right, he's a little depressed and just wants something new to boost his ego? And I can see where the attention from another woman would make him feel good, that's a definite ego booster to a guy. Especially with the text messages. Kind of like foreplay without getting caught, or having to perform. Then he comes home to you, old "faithful" and acts like the whole world is ending so he can get some sympathy.
It took me a while to see that although I didn't work right, it wasn't the end of the world and now everything's fine. Perhaps you can sit him down and ask him "what gives" with this situation? Or perhaps maybe a getaway weekend, just the 2 of you?
I can maybe see how he'd want to play the field to prove his manhood but he needs to remember that all that stuff is only temporary, and the reasons are all wrong.
Can't say more than that except maybe get him in to see a counselor.
If I can help more, drop me a note or something.
(no offense meant with the old "faithful" comment. I'm sure you're a good woman or you wouldn't be worried about your situation.)
Good luck and hang in there!