i am dating a man that is 59, he is highl
y intellegent, and a ceo in nonprofit
fundraising, he spent 8 years in a semi-
nary when he was younger but didnt become
a priest, we have been dating 9 months,
even though I care for him, he is driving
me crazy, in all the time we have dated,
he has never expressed how he feels about
me, never insults me or gets angry with
but does seem to show he does in suttle
ways, indirect ways, he never offers his
opinions on anything, when not traveling
for his job, all he does is reads, watch-
every sport on tv thats possible, he is
very religious, loves to eat, candy as
well, never exorcises even though he is
25 pounds over weight. He is so immovable
and stuck in his way, seems to have no
interest in showing affection, talking
intimately, or ever open to new ideas.
I at times feel like he is controlling me.
or trying to, in the last month,he has
been seeing a therapist, he says it is
because he cannot handle my angry
outbursts that happen occasionally, this
man can not tolerate the slightest bit of
any confrontation, and if it occurs, he
goes into withdraw for days, he will not
listen to any criticism , he always keeps
in very quiet surrounding, no loud music,
tv is always kept very low, or no sound
at all. He has no friends, Prays a great
deal, does not take care of himself, he
can get mad at me easily if i persist
with discussions he is not interested in.It is like our life is boring, he is boring.
All he thinks about is prayer, being con-
templative, eating, sports, retiring,
he is the one that gets me to have these
angry outbursts because he frustrates me
and he will not listen, if i want to dis-
cuss my emotions what so ever or what I
am feeling, or how his behavior is not
appropriate. Is it me, or is there some-
thing wrong with this guy? Should I be
running in the opposite direction.
I do know he gets on what he calls his
pitty potty mode, and can become depress-
ed. If I say anything constructive to help
him, or understand what is bothering me
his first reaction is to tell me,that
perhaps we are not meant to be together.
whats with this guy, please help? oh
another thing about him ,he is very organ-
ized, everything has its place.


Answers


Clyde
2349 days ago
Hi there... is it possible for the two of you to attend his counseling sessions together? At least one of them or for you to get to your own T so he could attend with you?

It does seem like there could be possible chances of things that may be wrong, but I would want him to be checked out with his T or a MD before anyone could completely diagnose or even come close to dileniating what has happened or is going on with him.

Please keep in touch.

Best,

Clyde



drjean
2349 days ago
europo, what is it about this man that makes you want to be with him? I didn't read anything. Are you with him because he is "safe" to be with, and at least a warm body to be near?

He is obviously set in his ways, and he isn't going to change. He is a disciplined person, with a regimen that seems quite self-contained.

I suggest you keep him as an acquaintance, but move on to find someone to share your life with.

good wishes!

drjean



fox73309
2150 days ago
This sounds like a guy who has lived a very solitary life and is not used to sharing his life with others. Other than that, he sounds like a normal guy. As a guy I also don't like having to listen to my girlfriend, but because I do love her I make it a point to listen, because if I don't I know I'll lose her. And I think it's natural for women to like talking. It's a gender difference, but if he wants to have a normal relationship he'll have to learn to compromise, I think.

Good luck.



milly64
893 days ago
I would say.............he is controlling you.....look at the whole picture.......ITS YOU that is questioning his ways.......and wondering..and still staying.......and HE is doing as he wishes.......HE is a major controller