Avatar Posted by misse 196 days ago (Question)
Sounds stupid maybe but I am struggling right now. I don't have any good friends, recently got rejected by the one person I really felt close to and I've lost my confidence in friend situations. Even though there are "potential friends" out there I am keeping my distance.

It just seems like having friends is too much work. I mean first you have to make all the effort with small talk and getting to know them, work on trying to trust them, see if they're a fit for you, then once its established you have to maintain the friendship including doing chores like calling them, buying birthday presents and going to do things that they enjoy.

And then there is no guarantee you will have fun or that the relationship will last or get to the level you want it to. They can ditch you whenever things get too hard or maybe they'll move away or you'll grow apart.

So I want to know: why should I really bother trying to have friends? Am I just meeting the wrong people or am I being too lazy? Seems to me like a lot of hard work when I could just stay home by myself.


Answers

Written by PSUstudent 196 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hey,

A few years ago, I felt the same way. And now that I am university, and have learned and changed so much, I think otherwise. I'm not saying that I do have a huge amount of close friends and stuff, but let's just say that I've taken some time to "see the light" or "see the truth", and I have started to live happily.

From all that I've learned and experienced, life is so much more confusing and complex than it seems. If you take courses in sociology, social psychology, and political science, you can begin to see why. Or if you can't take courses, try to get a hold of intro textbooks from your library and read them. These subjects, especially sociology, are just so interesting that it won't feel like a chore, trust me.

We all need people in our lives, and we all need to have friends to keep, or we at least really want friends to keep.

I think you're feeling sad about friendships when you don't have to be. And it sounds like you just need to get exposed to new people, instead of sticking to people you currently dislike. It can be a challenge to make friends, and most relationships with people start out a little weird/awkward. But the more you do it, the more you'll see that the 'process' just comes naturally.

So please don't give up! You'll find a group of friends that you can call family!

Hope this helps. : )

Written by 06mickey 195 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

PSUstudent

i totally feel you. I couldn't have asked the question better myself.

Written by Clyde 179 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Very good PSU.

If you consider things with making friends a "chore," then you really arent considering them friends to begin with. I mean, if I call a friend, unless it is about something I dont want to talk about, it is usually a fun thing to do.

Also, the buying gifts is NOT mandatory. Friends understand if you dont have money or dont feel like doing things like that. Not everyone does buy gifts.

Best,

Clyde


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