I'm 26 years old. I prefer not to use my real name, for safety reasons. When I was in high school, I got bullied a lot, which I couldn't take well. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schitzophrenia when I was a junior in high school. I never went out as a kid like most did, in fact my highlights for high-school were finishing the Iliad and making cookies by myself. I was always alone, mostly because I was precieved as violent, which wasn't true, I just couldn't discern the voices in my head from what was real until later. Its still hard now. I didn't really date much in high-school, mostly because I never went out and was afraid someone would learn my disorder. My family wasn't any help, in fact my father openly admits that he had my siblings pretty much torture me to "toughen me up", because he felt I was soft. My only real friend was my beagle, Daisy, who died recently, and of whom I am still heartbroken. I have always felt alone, and for the most part I accept it. I try to work when I can, if for no other reason then I hate sitting alone at home, but most mental health day programs are more depressing. I still have few real friends. One girl I met, "Mary", we met during a mutual stay in the hospital. I had attempted suicide, because I was trying to get away from my family again. She was there for a similar reason, and bugging out. We. Hatted, and I though we got close. We promised to stay friends when we got out, and for someone who has a hard time making friends, I felt like I found someone who understood me. There was a while where I thought. I had romantic feelings for her, but then I realized that what I was interperiting as romantic was actually the first real friendship I'd ever had, andnot knowing how to view it, I got confused. We recently stopped talking because of unknown reasons. I found out she had become pregnant, and opted for an abortion, which must have been hard on her. But what hurts me is she just stopped talking to me altogether. Now I feel hurt, and concerned, and angery, and worried. Every voice in my year is saying to forget her, but my heart won't let me. It that right?
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