I can't stop obsessing over a man I know and like even though I am happily married. how can i get this other man out of my head? I see him often in work and can't avoid him. He flirts with me and I love being noticed, etc.
I am afraid if he asks me to I will have an affair. help!


Answers


jdrgirl
1714 days ago
If the situation comes up, ask yourself "do i want this guy badly enough to possibly ruin my marriage, and definately break my husbands heart?" That would hurt both you and him soo much, and i dont mean to sound harsh but i was in that situation and didnt say no, and my husband found out and i would rather die than ever see him hurt like that ever again, it is so not worth it. hope this helps :)



Chemar
1713 days ago
I absolutely agree with the answer jdrgirl has given you

your best solution is to tell this man you are married and that you would appreciate if the flirting stops. you are playing with fire and sadly it could burn you as well as your husband so badly that you could lose everything!

if you truly love your husband you will put a stop to this before it hurts him!



Clyde
1711 days ago
I can understand about asking him to stop the flirting, but it does sound like it is on both sides here.

Another question to ask is why do you feel you are participating in this yourself? What do you feel your husband is not bringing to the table?

Not saying cheating is right, just wondering...

Best,

Clyde



Mami4Real
1711 days ago
Every woman has a need to feel wanted and attractive, sometimes ok well a lot of times we feel like we really aren't no matter how much our husbands love us. The flirting should have never started and has to stop no questions asked. Be straight with this guy and put him in his place, don't listen or see what "he" wants you to see, because if he had any self respect to start with he would NEVER have tried to flirt with a married woman. If he was a decent man and he was attracted to you, he would have kept things to himself and distant with you from the start.

If he's doing it to you then he's doing it to someone else as well and he's done it before, no matter what he says. Because it's based on a thing called respect, something he doesn't have for you or your husband. If you don't see things for what they really are and not what's going on in front of you, you are going to make the biggest mistake of your life. Even if something happened and your husband never found out about it or even if you told him, just think about how "used and guilty feeling" this guy is going to leave you.

This guy’s looks may have a part in it, but the attention he is give you at this time has the biggest part in it. It makes you think he can offer you what you are missing and fill in your emotional blanks. Not going to happen, why do you think its called temptation? Because it is an attack on your weaknesses, it is a "fake" answer to a truly deep need. Trust me this guy isn't looking for marriage or something serious, and the grass isn't greener on the other side. You only seeing this guy’s best side, you have no idea what he is really like.

When we are dating or working around someone we only see them in a small window of time and we only see the good side usually because everyone wants to show their good side when around others. So to compare this guy’s best side with your husband’s weak points, well then that's not even a fair fight. It's like comparing you on your worst day ever with a Super model. Chances are, there is something you are looking for and missing in your life, it may be something in your marriage or it may be something just within your own self. But trust me this guy isn't God and he is a far cry from being perfect. I say stick faithful to the one that you know loves you, because he had enough respect for you and himself to put that "eternal circle of love"/ ring on your finger, without having to cheat with you. Your husband has more respect for you and love than what you are realizing, we as women usually all make the mistake of not seeing that, until it's too late.

So step back to get a clearer view and keep the conversations very short and only about the job and never accept personally given info or give him the time of the day. If you have to asked to be transferred or even look for another job. Because you know this is wrong or you wouldn't be questioning it and no one is going to tell you it's ok to walk into this to make you feel better about it.

When you start questioning your marriage, because it’s different than you thought it would be, or you start opening up to the idea that maybe this guy at the office may really be the "right one" for you. Then you have opened those doors to be attracted through. Even if you don't think about anyone else's pain, think about the pain this will leave you with in the long run. And once it's done there is no undoing it ever! So I would do whatever I had to do, to protect myself wouldn't you? The same pill you thought would make you better will only end up making you more ill. We are not made to stand up to temptation, you’re only answer is to run from it. To stand up to it, is only giving it more time and another chance to drag you down into that deep dark black pit with it.



admire
1708 days ago
Dont do it. Stay away. I am in the same situation but went further then you and now I am disgusted with myself and the other man ended up being a complete jerk, was very nice until the time came and thats all he wanted. I am also happily married with 3 kids and married for 20 years it is the most stupid thing I ever did and I am obsessed with the other man still. I cant get him out of my mind but he is fine. Telling you stay away and dont flirt anymore it can really ruin a good thing you have with your husband.