I feel like a freak. I seem to enjoy reading about violent sex, usually rape. I have fantasised about it, I even "acted" it out with an ex partner.
I am aroused by the strangest things, the more violent, painful, degrading the better.
I have no idea if this is related, but I remember my male baby sitter talking me into sex when I was perhaps 5 or 6 years old. I wanted to watch a film, he told me to lie down on my front so I could still watch it while we had sex.
I feel like a monster, clearly something is badly wrong inside my head & I have no idea what to do about it.
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