Avatar Posted by Austingal 267 days ago (Question)
After 27 years of being best friends, mine decided to drop off the face of the planet and never call me again after I moved to Austin. I really needed my best friend to talk to, and after being there for her through every bad thing in her life, she was nowhere to be found for me. When I finally confronted her, she acted like she had nothing to explain or apologize for. She said I never gave her grace, that I was too hard on her and expected too much. All I expected was a phone call from my best friend asking how I was adjusting to my move! Now I am full of self-deprication, hating myself because I feel responsible for losing my friend, like what she said was true.
I've let her go, but how do I stop blaming myself when I know she was mainly responsible for our breakup?


Answers

Written by Clyde 266 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Sorry to hear what has happened with you and your best friend. I know with my best friend leaving me, it would devastate me.

The best advice I can give you is try and find new friends whom you can have a mutual interest in things with. If you can do that, and over time, you may find a new best friend.

You dont have to make complete new amends with the old best friend, but DO apologize to her if you feel like it, and see if you can be friends still. If you have a behavior that is not the best, try to see what you can do to alleviate her fears about it.

Best,

Clyde

Written by Edahn 266 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Agreed.

You can also try writing her a letter, in a journal if you have one, explaining what happened, how it made you feel, how she probably felt, and what you wish would happen in the future. When you're done, you can decide if you want to send it, or just keep it in your records and put this behind you.

Written by misse 263 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Wow! I'm not surprised you are having trouble getting over this one! Losing your best friend after 27 years would devastate anyone. But first you have to make sure you have really lost her. I think Edahan and Clyde are right in advising you to communicate with her; apologise (only to the extent you feel responsible) ask her to forgive you, explain you still want to be friends and see how it goes. That way you have done all you can to fix the friendship. I think knowing you have really done all you could will help you move on. After all if she doesn't want to fix it after 27 years then there is nothing you can do.

Getting over someone so important to you will take time, so be nice to yourself; take time to get good night's rest, don't challenge yourself too hard in other areas of your life and find a way to work through the friendship ending, like writing a journal, painting pictures or discussing it with someone else (if you have someone else to talk to) There is also a book "What did I do wrong" by Liz Pryor, which addresses the bizarre ways in which women's friendships end - it could help to read stories from others with similar experiences.

Good luck and take care!


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