My husband suffers from major depression, generalized anxiety, OCD, ADD, and one fetish. He has a long family genetic history on both side of the tree and he been in treatment for more than 25 years. He is 49. He is medicated and in therapy.

He was married for 6 years, more than 10 years ago. His ex wife lied to him and cheated on him and it ended their marriage. They have one child together.

He, on occasion, calls me her name, never during an argument. If he is filling out a form that asks for his wife's information he, on occassion, puts hers. We have been together for 4 years/married for 2. He continues to pay some of her bills for her. He has given her, in excess, more than $30,000 more than he is obligated to. He continued to pay her mortgage for her, paid off her car so she wouldn't have a payment, etc. He (up until I insisted) paid her share of their daughters expenses. He doesn't ever buy her gifts...he just pays most of her expenses for her so she didn't have to work and can buy her own. Since the split he still wanted her at all family events. When we began dating he wanted her to travel on family vacations with us at his expense. He wanted her to come celebrate the Christmas Holiday (2 1/2days) at my home with us. I said no, she's jewish. He has told me that "she needs him, to take care of her". She has a degree from UCLA and two strong legs. He told me "that it's his money, and if he wants to spend it on her that's his choice". Although he said both statements in anger his action completely support the statments. He does not consult me when she calls and asks for extra money he just gives it to her. He never asks for a statement/bill/receipt. He has promised to discuss it with me going forward. He saved his wedding ring, all their pictures, including naked ones of his ex. When I made it clear the naked pictures upset me....it took one year and marriage counselor to advise him that my "feelings" were more important than his "memories". He mentions her often and has said "you have no idea how often natural thoughts of her come to me and I don't share them with you because I know they hurt you'. They have been divorced for 10 years. There were many women in between us in the 6 years they were divorced before we got together. He says he has no unresolved feelings for her and that I am completely irrational and jealous.

Am I?

Could their be some psychological explaination to his attachement?

Thank you!




Answers


Chemar
1500 days ago
she is his ex. you are his current wife. he absolutely should be discussing what he is doing with money with you. yes, he should be paying what he is required too for his children but he is taking it too far in terms of the ex IMHO

I am not sure what you can do about it though if he refuses to see reason?

I don't think he is being fair to you at all.



bella
1500 days ago
I don't know if there's any psychological explanation for this excessive attachment and giving money. I think it's admirable for him to be responsible but he's taking it way to far. If he's not willing to listen to reason, you may need to see a marriage counselor. If you're married, it's your money too. It's fine to be on good terms and do his duty financially and you should be fine with this. If it's more, I wouldn't classify this as jealously.



chros
1498 days ago
i think you have every right to feel the way you do, he should be paying more attention to the current time, not just hanging out in the past.... i think he has unresolved feelings and the emotional side of him says that your irrational and jealous because when you are attached to someone,and you divorce/break up with them, you lose a big part of your daily events, and it directly affect the way you feel, and handle things he simply doesn't want to let go of that... but i wouldn't call this "irrational" or "jealousy". i know i may only be 16, but i've been studying some psychology myself.... i mean he shows dedication and responsibility when it comes to supporting, but it also shows an unhealthy relationship too, because his mind is somewhere else, not in the present like intended... i think he should take cognitive-behaviorial therapy, a type of therapy is often effective for people suffering from depression or anxiety. i hope this helped in some way... i hope everything gets better for you from here on out --chros



lrussell69
1153 days ago
He's still banging her - obviously.