I was in a distant relationship for two years. We broke up several times during our relationship. We lived three hours apart and couldn't see each other all the time. She could not give me the attention or effort i wanted. They told me i always made them feel stressed and not their self. They never told me i was pretty, a good person or anything of the sort. I had to push for compliments....i never even really knew what they were feeling accept they would tell me they loved me. I was so lost and hurting in the relationship because i didn't understand why this person couldn't do the little things for me. As soon as they found someone else, during our relationship, they were hanging out without me even knowing. They broke up with me to finally move on with this other person. Now they won't talk to me or anything. They feel no remorse at all for hurting me so bad. They new the deepest hurts of my past from my exs, which involved cheating and leaving me. My best friends told me i have trust issues because of that and i put myself in a self fulfilling prophecy. I guess I always thought they didn’t love me that much and were always looking elsewhere.
Now that it is over they won’t talk to me at all, they don’t care that they tortured me. They are just happy they are calmed and relaxed now. I am hurting and going crazy…I have so much anger, hatred and hurt. They just keep drilling it in….it isn’t enough that they are feeling just fine and dandy without a care in the world. They moved on during our relationship and doesn’t even care what it did to me.
Now that it is over they won’t talk to me at all, they don’t care that they tortured me. They are just happy they are calmed and relaxed now. I am hurting and going crazy…I have so much anger, hatred and hurt. They just keep drilling it in….it isn’t enough that they are feeling just fine and dandy without a care in the world. They moved on during our relationship and doesn’t even care what it did to me.
A place to come to ask and answer questions from others on mental health and relationship issues.
Copyright © 1992-2009 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Answers
I'm sorry you're hurting. It's a shitty feeling. I think you need to give yourself some time to heal, and then start to examine the ways in which you need others to validate you, doing some serious introspection and evaluation of your patterns. It sounds to me like you're not truly convinced of your own self-worth, but that's something for you to decide.
Does that make sense?
Edahn
yes it does make sense...i am here to get any piece of advide i can to move me forward. I am hurting bad!!
It's a tough place to be in. Break ups are HARD. There's no way around that. But if you've got some other attachment issues (or whatever you want to call it) it just makes it even harder. Maybe it helps to know that there's a way out of all this. It's not a quick route, and it doesn't involve making things go away one day, but learning how to confront them with kindness and then looking into them, seeing why you react the way that you do, and how you can, personally, help yourself. I'm reading a book now called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It's really heartwarming. Maybe you could pick it up.
In the meantime, what I like to do when I feel like ass is listen to some music, light some candles, and surrounding myself with things I find beautiful (calligraphy, pictures of lonesome trees). It helps me bring the pain out to the surface and cry things out. I usually feel better after. Maybe you have things to cry about that don't involve your girlfriend, too.
*manly hugz*
I dont think it is so much that they are drilling it in, as it is that you are letting them drill it in to you.
You have to find a way to let go and get away from the whole break up issue.
I know you dont want to let go (worrying about them shows that you dont want to do so), so find a way to take place of that for the moment...medidate, read, etc...
Best,
Clyde