I flat out hate sex. I have been married to my husband for 3 years now and of the couple times that I had an orgasm I sat in my bathroom and cried for 2 hours or more afterward. I even have a baby boy, I still think it is the most repulsive thing ever, actually more so. I would have rather adopted and had my vagina sewed shut. I read another post that was similiar to this one and it said to go find a therapist to reclaim this normal and enjoyable part of your life. What happens when you don't want to enjoy it? I have NO problem not having sex in my life but my husband has threatened to leave me. I was doing pretty good at faking enjoying it but a friend of mine ratted me out that I told her I was faking. Now he says he wants me to really enjoy it. I've started hating him for it and he's threatened to leave for not wanting sex. I just wondered if there is something I could do about it? Should I just let him leave?


Answers


Thumbelina
1891 days ago
I'm so sorry you are miserable. Sex issues are the pits. OK. I assume that the act itself is not physically painful for you but you are saying that you find it extremely distasteful. I think sitting on the bathroom floor, crying can qualify as distasteful. If it hurts physically, that's one problem. If it's the other and you simply do not like sex, then there definitely is a psychological basis for this issue. They say that men need to have sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to have sex. Well, generally this is true in a mature relationship, there are always exceptions. So, either there is something that you feel you are not getting from your husband in your marriage or you have a deeper issue with sex itself. One can be addressed either between the two of you or in couples counseling, and the other must be addressed in therapy. My gut feeling is, you have issues about sex itself and could greatly benefit from therapy.

It was really crappy of your friend to tell on you. What kind of stuff do you people talk about in social settings?!? Not sure I would want to be invited to a cocktail party at your house.

A man's ego is closely tied to his ability to satisfy his wife. My husband is the same way. There's not much you can do about it. But a healthy, young woman like you should be enjoying a healthy sex life. I would, for your own wellbeing, look into seeing a therapist and explore this issue.

I wish you the best of luck.



twentytroubles
1891 days ago
I would second the idea of both of you seeing a counselor.

It's not right for him to threaten to leave because you don't like sex. Both of you should have some balance of what you want/don't want, and maybe couples therapy would help both of you understand your views on sex better. Sex isn't everything, but it is a small part of a relationship. Some people don't enjoy it, and shouldn't be expected to participate often when they simply hate it. Threatening to leave might possibly indicate that there are other issues/clashes in a relationship, I'd say.

P.S.- I hate sex, too.



Thisisit
1889 days ago
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Fpsy
1891 days ago
Long gone are the days when it was considered a wife's duty to have sex with her husband whether she liked it or not.

Your husband threatening to leave the relationship is no way to communicate to you about his frustrations. He appears to show little understanding of your feelings and emotions around sex. Then again, you also seem to have made up your mind that sex is awful and are unwilling to explore why this is the case. Perhaps neither of you are communicating effectively about this and other problems.

I think it is important for you to explore why you have such strong emotions (crying) after you have experienced an orgasm. There are lot of feelings around vulnerability for many people during times of intimacy such as sex. Perhaps this is worth exploring further.

What is it about the act itself that is disgusting to you?

Would you be this way with any man you had sex with?

Is there something from your past that you have not dealt with?

Is your husband insensitive to your sexual needs and focusing too much on what he wants, directing how the two of you are going to have sex, and leaving you feeling like you have no control or power in this relationship?

Have you been able to discuss with him what has happened after you have had an orgasm?.

Communication is vitally important in a relationship.

All problems in a relationship are shared by two people and require two people to work together. It might help for both of you to visit a relationship therapist to help you with this problem.

I think it will benefit both of you to visit a therapist. You may or may not resolve the problem but you gain a lot of insight and relationship skills that will benefit you in the longterm.



GrannyHazel
1888 days ago
When my husband & I married I was a nymphomaniac. About 6-7 years into our marriage I started having flashbacks of severe molestation when I was 3-3 & 1/2 years old, yes 6 months duration. It took many years of his patience & therapy to move past this. If we were having sex & something he did brought up memories I would burst into tears. He went to some therapy sessions with me. I'm not qualified to say that you have a traumatic event in your life except that it was my problem. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away. The self-loathing comes with it. Verbal propaganda by the molester. I wish you luck & hope you can find a therapist to help you. I hope with all my heart that your husband will walk through that healing with you. I also agree that a "friend" that would tell your husband you're faking is no friend at all. What did she hope to gain by sharing that with him??



Clyde
1877 days ago
There are certain people who are asexual, and there are those for whom sex is painful, there are those whom sex is not at all fun for.

Check with your medical doctor too and see what they think about your sexual issues...and I do agree with the others about you both going to counseling together.

AND, as the others have said, what kind of friend would be a friend who tells on what you said to them about yourself or your husband/bf, unless it was life-threatening?

Best,

Clyde



cherylsmoochie
1852 days ago
There is nothing wrong with her. She is normal and a-sexual. We do exist!



cherylsmoochie
1852 days ago
Girl I feel the exact same way!! The act is humiliating to me! It is a power struggle where the man always wins! We are the ones who have to give something away, while they get off on our expense. I hate it. I'm 39 years old and havent had to do it in over 11 years, thank God, but I was right where you are 10 years ago, when I was married. There is a Herb you can feed him that lowers his sex drive, a true blessing for people loke you and I. I know for a fact that there is nothing wrong with you, you are not alone. We are out here. The is a site called AVEN, for A-sexuals, I think when you visit this site, you will feel at home. If you want to stay with your husband find out the name of this drug because I forgot the name, but it WORKS!!!! And just say ok I like it now, go wild and crazy the next time more than you used to and he will think its all good again! When my husband left me, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, no more of those revolting sessions where I end up wet from God knows what and I ususally stink! Why is that when you say you dont like sex, people either think its funny or they, say you are not normal? If you say you dont like pizza, which is a dish most enjoy, they dont say you are not normal. Pizza is a far cry better that this nasty stinking unsanitary disgusting humiliating dirty revolting JOB that stinks



ironvic
1429 days ago
Cherylsmoochie is not only wrong but is advocating doing something that is not only illegal, but morally wrong. No sane person would advocate drugging a "loved one" merely for their own selfish need, to avoid sex. If the victim of the drugger had an allergic reaction to the medication given them without their consent, the drugger is commiting an assault on the victim. If there were side effects, and there always are, in one form or another, the victim of this crime may feel that they have a disease or condition that needs to be looked into-often at great monetary, personal and psychological expense.

This is no different than a man giving a woman a "roofie" so he can have sex with her against her will.

I find this kind of advice to administer drugs (and one that the poster can't even remember the name) to be dangerous, illegal and immoral. Disgusting, really.



goalie
1831 days ago
so when you were dating before marriage did you explain to your husband - this is not directed to the orig poster necessarily - that sex was distasteful?

If so - then he needs to live with it. If not - I would suggest getting a divorce since he has been living a lie. I suppose he could hook up with girlfriend since divorce is expensive for men. That is a smart alek remark but in reality this is what happens.

there is more to this post - does your husband provide for the family to your satisfaction? , is he a good father to your child(ren)? no one is responsible for your happiness? Forget about couple's therapy - you need to work on yourself and be a honest partner. Sex in the confines of marriage is perfectly normal. However, not every woman is marriage or parent material.