My husband and I went through a lot of counseling years ago after he had an affair. About five or six years ago, things began to get tense for us again. We had friends who were having problems and when my husband spent time with the other husband, he'd come home angry with me and lash out and yell. The other guy turned out to be a schizoid personality, as diagnosed by two therapists. He would constantly compare me to his (now ex) wife and get my husband riled up.
It grew worse until two years ago, my husband took a two week trip with the other man and didn't call or contact the family during his entire trip. During that time, I accidentally stumbled upon some incriminating sex paraphenalia in our shared office. The other guy had a history of using the same type of things. When my husband returned from the trip, i confronted him and told him to choose between the two of us because I would not be treated like that any longer. He agreed to not see the other guy any more.
Lately, I've noticed the same behaviors in my husband. he's been yelling at me a lot and is hypercritical. Finally, I asked if he'd been spending time with his old friend. After evading the subject, he finally said that I knew he had. My husband never outright said so but then proceeded to give excuses why he had to spend time with the guy. He has been spending time with him once a week for the past several months. I was hurt and angry. I accused him of being deceptive and sneaky and lying. He insisted he was none of the above.
Trust has been an issue for me since the affair but I have tried hard not to be suspicious or spy on my husband. Now, after all this time of rebuilding the initial trust, and then the issue a few years ago, I am feeling betrayed again.
My husband is a mental health therapist and sees a lot of folks for marital problems. He continues to insist that not telling me he was spending time with this guy is not deceitful nor lying. The fact that his behavior has changed recently is what clued me into it but he denies that as well.
Notice: Psych Central Answers shut down to new questions on January 11, 2013.
Looking for a place to ask your question? Sign up today for our community (you'll need a separate account than the one you use here), and ask away!
Ask and answer questions about mental health and relationship issues in a safe & supportive environment. If you ask a question, you will have to answer someone else's first, in order to give back to others here.