This is my first time posting here, so please bare with me. Around a year ago, I developed panic disorder. It started with a panic attack that included the heart racing, dizziness, feeling faint and feeling just plain horrible like I was going to die right there. I didn't believe I was experiencing a panic attack, but several EKGs later, and after running from MD to MD, I realized my problem was less physical and more emotional and with the fight or flight response. I developed agoraphobia, and began to become afraid to be anywhere by myself for fear of fainting or dying and not having anyone to help me.
I am now in a better place with dealing with the fear of fainting. Instead, I have another problem. I am wondering if it sounds like I am developing psychosis or a related problem. I have had such extreme depersonalization. I feel like I am not really here in reality. Don't get me wrong, I know things are real, and I know what to say to people and so forth to appear relatively normal. It is just that on the inside, my perception of the world has changed. I don't recognize myself. I remember stuff about myself, but I feel so foreign to myself as does life. This is really all scary to admit because I fear it could be the begnning of psychosis. For those who have experience with this kind of thing, please let me know. I am so frightened about this. I am also afraid to wake up one morning and not know who I am, or who anyone in my life is. It hasn't happened. I also feel like my brain is so foggy. I can't think straight and my senses feel out of control particularly my hearing. Everything sounds loud.
I also have a fear of losing control and doing something crazy in public. I am afraid to have a psychotic break and feel like I can't stop it from happening. Again, I have never lost control of myself or had a psychotic break.
The other thing that is frightening to me is that I have periods where I become very obsessed with thinking about existence. I wonder what created us, or who and why we are all here. I also start thinking if there could be life on other planets, and I get scared about the enormity of the universe and what it all means. I have had friends who have told me that they have had the same questions, but never get scared about them. For me, it isn't the questions, but the fact that my brain stays in a stuck position thinking about this.
I also feel like my body is foreign sometimes. I feel like it feels weird and heavy to move my body around, and it feels even weird to have a body.
In addition to this, I have an incredibly hard time focusing sometimes. I have a hard time focusing on conversation. I want to follow, but have to ask what often, and this makes people annoyed. It is like I can't always process what they are saying to me, but maybe my brain is too full.
I get scary random thoughts in my head sometimes. Based on what I have written, does it sound like I am on my way to developing psychosis? I am really afraid.
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