I'm a 16 year old girl. I've been struggling for a number of years with varying degrees of depression. Originally it would just be intense feelings of regret. Then pessimism. Then self loathing. And now I just don't really understand the point of it all. I just want to give up.
I feel like a failure. I set all of these goals and expectations and never fulfill any of them. I can acknowledge that they're high standards but that doesn't lesson my reactions.
I'm having a hard time focusing in classes. I used to doodle and I'd be fine. (I might have ADD) But now my head just seems congested with information, and I'll remember something, and I'll regret it, and hate myself for it, and my head will start spinning.
I've always gotten migraines and used to take advil. This past summer I started getting migraines and varying types of headaches more and more frequently. I now have 1 or 2 a day and have stopped taking medications because I'm scared I'll get a hole in my stomach. Though today that didn't seem like such a bad thing.
I have insomnia and entirely erratic sleeping habits. I can lay in bed for hours unable to fall asleep. Sometimes I wake up extremely early for no reason. I average around 4 or 5 hours.
I no longer enjoy dance, an activity I've dedicated my life to.
I wander around the house aimlessly knowing I have other things I should be doing, but I just can't bring myself to do them.
I've attempted $u!c!d3. My parents were fighting and I just couldn't handle it. Not planned out. Didn't pan out.
Basically, it's worse. I know I need to go get help and tell my parents, but I'm scared of what will happen.
Will I be hospitalized? Could I be hospitalized? Will I have to see a psychologist? I've always hated talking. Like truly hated talking about what I'm feeling. Will I have to go on medications?
I just want to know what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks



Answers


Jene
1609 days ago
I think you're fine . If you're depressed, you need someone you can share your feelings to. Talk to your parents. You should try meditation/yoga to keep yourself calm and be able to concentrate.



juicymamajazyn
1608 days ago
First of all i would like to say it's good to talk about your depression!! But please talk to the right people!! If you talk to so called friends at school who may or may not have depression it could encourage you to still be in a sour place especially as people like to compete so even though you would be geniuene others may be making it harder for you to help yourself and what's worse is MOST people who do this don't realize they do it. Talk to counsellours and if you feel uncomfortable talk to a confidential chat line or something cause then you can say the absolute truth and you don't need to worry about anything happening cause it's confidental! Also i was worried about being medicated and one doctor told me that if the medication didn't work then why would people take it? Not everyone gets addicted to it, most people do get off of it!

Sometimes i go through the same emotions as yourself and i like to set really high expectations for myself and IT'S REALLY HEALTHY TO SET GOALS, all you need is some guidance. If you set yourself a unrelistic goal all it will do is reassure yourself that your a failure but this is not true. Having this focus is a VERY GOOD quality you just need to refine it until it works for you. A lot of people think that what you acheive from a goal is why you set them but it's actually the journey, it's part of what makes you who you are. So try setting a goal, an easy one to start with and then break it down into as many different steps as you can think of. And work ONLY ONE STEP AT A TIME. Write it down (handwritten) and put it one your wall and cross each step off as you do it. Then when your down you can see your progress on the wall and it helps you to realize THAT ALL GREAT THINGS WERE ACHIEVED ONLY 1 STEP AT A TIME! With School it will help if you can realate school to what you want to do with your life and if it doesn't realate then don't stress yourself for something that isn't for you. School is not for everybody and is not to be all end all. You may find your calling but giving up the unnesseccary stress and allowing yourself to enjoy dance again?? Who knows you may find your true passion in a completly different calling but you will only know by getting out their and trying new things... meeting different people is one of the best ways to try different things. With their different interests it helps you to enjoy something you may have never thought of AND you get to try it with a friend! I used to be scared about opening up how i felt because i was scared that it would go on my record and they would lock me away but it's really not that easy to get "locked away". psychologists aren't bad the best thing that i have found from psychologists is that they help teach you to teach yourself a "different way to process your thoughts" which may or may not be the shift you need to acheive those goals you have for yourself! I used to react diffently when my parents used to fight, i actually wanted them to breakup. But that was because i hated to see them unhappy. I'm glad they did even though there lives aren't perfect they had no intention to work through there issues and are heaps happier for it. Its also really important that you need to know that they aren't fighting because of you. They can't be, most peoples issues stem from their childhood and they are just trying to work out there own issues... you can help though. Just realize that they are looking for solutions too and if you offer both of them your love and support for each of them as individuals then what ever happens you can help them through it.

Suicide is a scary thought but it's simply when someone associates more pain to dealing with the things they live with than dying it seems like the easiest way out. Life is not meant to be easy all the time though, no one gets out of this alive! Struggles define us, love makes us and life is what you make it. With the sleeping and headaches i am still working on getting myself into a routine but OMG when i do it helps INMEASUREABLY!! I never realised that sleeping and eating and exercise can help tremendously!! I recommend to sleep from 10pm each night until 6 if you can. When you aim to sleep ONLY sleep in your bed and make sure bed is only a place to sleep so if you currently go to bed to think or to study or listen to music or what ever do that somewhere else. Make it routine and through being consistant you will retrain your mind and body to sleep. With eating sometimes you may find it a struggle forcing that food down but even when you REALLY DONT WANT ANYTHING, have something. Even just an a chunk of cucumber or an apple.. It will all help. Try to regulate the time to a set breakfast lunch and tea time to and drink at least 6 glasses of water each day. But relating back to the goal thing if you currently drink none dont start with 6, start with one and have that each day for several days and then increase it. Keep doing it SLOWLY BUT SURELY until you reach your goal. Once you acheive this using this method and doing it every day for a couple of months it really does become harder to NOT have it than to have it, and that's part of the benefit of doing things using this method. Exercise is great, don't worry about overdoing it, start with something simple like walking! Walking is fantastic, you can use it as your thinking time. It also helps to encourage good breathing habits and just the change of scene helps to relieve negitave emotions. Plus it releases some positive hormone or something.. I used to hate talking and sometimes i still do but it's only because i hate the thought of the thing i say and that it makes me feel like a failure and at that same time i realise that i am my own worse critic, the person listening never thinks its as bad as i do and that usually helps to constuctively think instead of doing what i normally do and destructively think with the aim to burn everything that i have succeeded at (in my mind). I do recommend talking to a professional instead of family (even free services help) as they are trained to assist with constructive ways of thinking and even family, through mostly good intentions, can be quite negitive. Once again they have there own issues and sometimes how you feel may make them feel like they have failed or something so they may get upset or angry or blame or guilt (which ever emotion they resort to to help them deal with things) which obviously doesn't always help you... So basically try something to help yourself it's better than the alternative and keep trying until something works for you. There will be things that work and don't work but also there will be times that things that do work, don't and that could just be a plato so please don't give up at first try and move to the next keep at it until.

LASTLY a lot of people may think badly of so called depression but the truth is that in your case it's not all bad. The fact that you set goals is a great indication that you have what it takes to succeed! More than most people as most people don't even set goals. You just need to redifine your process to help you acheive your goals AND all that takes is practice and studying different ways until you succeed and find what works for you. The fact that you get upset when your parents fight shows that you have a big heart and as much as it can feel that you may be failing that they are fighting, it's not. It's an opportunity (after they get there anger out) for you to show unconditional love and support as their issues are there own individually. Maybe even try devoting your big heart to a worthy cause?? something that you love like animals, kids, disabled people what ever you're passionate about this will help you to refocus your depressed energy into contributing to others and actually helps because it takes to focus off of your pain and helps others with theres and in turn makes you feel good. If you fail at something that you don't like or even want to do, why bother even caring?? don't get caught up in trying to succeed at something that you don't even want to just focus on what you enjoy. Then if you focus on what you enjoy it will make succeeding worth it and an enjoyable experience and subconsciously helping you to succeed more often. Every skill, every good quality, every great success are just small things that are worked on slowly but consistantly that amount to great things. Most people work years and years on there goals and some people a lot less but they all work on achieving one thing at a time which amount to great things. So all good things are just good habits and bad things bad habits and you are just a diamond in the rough. Even with what you have written is proof that you already have the qualities that you need to achieve the underlying things that you want.

a diamond started out as a piece of coal... you are just a diamond in the rough if you choose to be.. and everyone has the choice...



bella
1608 days ago
Hi - sorry you're struggling. Did your parents know you tried to commit suicide? Whenever a person's reached the point where their life is affected by how they feel with attempted suicide....this means you need some professional help. If you make it clear to the doctor, you're not suicidal now, they won't put you in the hospital.

Lack of sleep can make it very difficult to function during the day. Depression and stress also interferes with ability to concentrate. One thing that would help is learning how to be organized and effective study habits. My grade 10 daughter has a 3 ring notebook for each subject, where she keeps point form study notes.

What you don't want to do is, keep all these feelings inside because this makes things worse. Some people find it easier to write a letter to one parent, about how they feel. Even speaking with a school counselor might get you comfortable talking. If you ever feel in crisis again, please tell your parent and go to the nearest emergency room. Its also very important not to act on feelings when you're very upset - these times always pass. I hope you get help and feel better soon.



MelGrant
1607 days ago
Honestly, coming from another very depressed teen i dont know what to do. i tried to come out with it ounce when i was around the age of 9 but i just ended up in IOL(institute of living) and honestly that didnt help. so the best thing you can do is ask your parents for a therapist. all ican say and i hope the best.~Mel



lostmom
1607 days ago
First of all, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I'm a 40 year old woman that has depression and anxiety and to top it off, social anxiety. I got diagnosed with major depression and anxiety when I was 16 when my mom took me to see a psychologist for the first time. My mom wasn't quite sure what was up with me, she just knew SOMETHING was wrong. From the very beginning I absolutely LOVED my therapist. I found it a relief to be able to talk to her and know she couldn't tell anyone else, especially my parents, though there ARE certain things they are allowed , and required to tell them, like if you have a suicide plan, are homicidal and I can't remember the other thing. But if you get into counseling, there's lots of papers for you to fill out and their privacy policy and that will tell you. Also your therapist should be up front and tell the things she HAS to tell your parents. Don't worry though, unless you have a clear plan of leaving her office and jumping off a bridge, everything should stay between you and your therapist. Just know that you feel crummy right now and that you won't start to feel any better until you seek help, and trust me, there IS help out there. A therapist can't prescribe meds to you, she can only suggest that you see a psychiatrist, no one can force you to be on meds. I have been on meds since I was 16 and I can tell you they aren't "happy" pills or "magic" pills, but they DO help. If it weren't for meds, I would not have survived to be 40 yeasrs old and a wife and mother. DO NOT be ashamed of how you feel. If you do seek help, it's extremely important that you like and kinda "click" with your therapist or it won't work. It may take a few sessions to really be able to open up and say exactly how you feel, and that's fine. Honey, there is help out there, but you have to ask for it. Please don't live in a depressed state any longer, I know how it feels. Good luck!



HiddenInside16
1551 days ago
I'm 16 and we sound exactly alike i had dance scolarships but I no longer enjoy it, but I have been hospitalized and the forst two times i didn't like it but now I can tell when my depression is getting out of control and when I feel like I wanna die, and honestly at the moment I really do believe I need to be hospitalized again! Once you understand you have a problem which is the hardest thing to do it gets easier to take care of I honestly think that. the first two times i was hospitilazed and a little of the second I was VERY scared! Once was suicide and another was a pill addiction, They told me a lot of things i never would have know I have anixtey attacks, and also panic attack very frequently! And i;m also bipolar which they also helped me with. But once you actually start wanting to get better you wont be so afraid to ask for help when I go baack to my phychiatrist i'm gonna tell her that I feel that I need to be back in inpatient treatment for longer than 3 weeks... I honestly believe that is what is best for me and I don't think it would be all that bad for you... to actually know your not a freak and others DO feel this way!